Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Mumps, measles, and puppy love are terrible after twenty.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.
All writers should be put in a box and thrown in the sea.
It ain't like football. You can't make up no trick plays.
I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.
It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
Unfortunately, he was about as deep as a melted ice cube.
Do you not know I am a woman? when I think, I must speak.
Right now I'm pretty single... My career is my boyfriend.
So all my friends have kids now... which I think is rude.
Neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering.
It is easy to be beautiful; it is difficult to appear so.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
It's hard to think of yourself as a loser at 2 years old.
Do you want to be mesmermized by the physical phenomenon?
The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you see okay?
I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward.
A genius is one who can do anything except make a living.
I type a 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language.
Hide your gold, your faith and the reason of you journey.
If I could read a book, I'd definitely read one of yours.
We learn from history that we learn nothing from history.
I used to do drugs. I still do drugs. But I used to, too.
Blessed are the cracked, for they shall let in the light.
In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.
"You're an old man who dresses like a Hooter's waitress."
I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.
There is a foolish corner in the brain of the wisest man.
What other people call dark and despairing, I call funny.
There are two kinds of music; German music and bad music.
If you injure your neighbour, better not do it by halves.
I read a lot of scripts that I just don't find very funny.
Grant me some wild expressions, Heavens, or I shall burst.
After two minutes after this time, and I am already there.
I love Mickey Mouse more than any woman I have ever known.
Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.
If you can't live without me, why aren't you dead already?
Worry not that no one knows you; seek to be worth knowing.
You can't be truly rude until you understand good manners.
I've seen George Foreman shadow boxing and the shadow won.
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.
Necessity knows no law; I know some attorneys of the same.
I blame al-Jazeera - they are marketing for the Americans!
Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.
Music has been my playmate, my lover, and my crying towel.