Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Money never made a fool of anybody; it only shows them up.
Britain's last gold medal was a bronze in 1952 in Helsinki
Give a man free hands, and you'll know where to find them.
Shirley and Griffey get along like a rattler and a parrot.
I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.
Eskimos are uncivilised because they don't have any shops.
All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too?
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.
Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one.
It has no rhythm, but it will because it's so much faster.
So, where's the Cannes Film Festival being held this year?
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
Canada is not the party. Its the apartment above the party.
My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
I bought some powdered water, but I don’t know what to add.
If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
A great artist can paint a great picture on a small canvas.
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
Humans are the only animal who can have sex over the phone.
Make money your god, and it will plague you like the devil.
I had a monumental idea this morning, but I didn't like it.
I now consider it a good day when I don't step on my boobs.
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.
What is algebra exactly; is it those three-cornered things?
I used to have a drug problem, but now I have enough money.
I’m a psychic amnesiac. I know in advance what I’ll forget.
An autobiography is the story of how a man thinks he lived.
Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.
If you want to talk to me after the show, I'd be surprised.
Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?
Why do they put Braille on the drive-through bank machines?
If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.
What is that mountain goat doing way up here in the clouds?
Age is something that doesn't matter unless you're a cheese
My folks were English . . . we were too poor to be British.
If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?
When four or more men get together, they talk about sports.
The notes are right, but if I listened they would be wrong.
What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy?
I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.
If 13 is unlucky, then 12 and 14 are guilty by association.
You might be a cunning linguist, but I am a master debater.
We played well all the way until, like, the second quarter.
I don't want to own anything that won't fit into my coffin.