Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
To a smart girl men are no problem - they're the answer.
Beer may cause you to digress - and lead a happier life.
Congratulations on passing your test! Your HIV positive.
There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income.
Blessed is the man who has found someone to do his work.
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
It upsets women to be, or not to be, stared at hungrily.
The dog is dressed just like me at the climax of my act.
Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.
A sigh is an amplifier for people who suffer in silence.
I'm an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat.
I have been born more times than anybody except Krishna.
The thing that's funny is that everyone thinks I'm dead.
I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes.
The other day, I got a henna tattoo that says "Forever."
My neighbor has a circular driveway... he can't get out.
I like my coffee like I like my women. In a plastic cup.
Better to live a day as a lion than 100 years as a sheep
Men should be like Kleenex, soft, strong and disposable.
In war it does not matter who is right, but who is left.
If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.
The first rule of baseball is to get a good ball to hit.
Only good girls keep diaries. Bad girls don't have time.
I take my pet lion to church ever Sunday. He has to eat.
Why is there so much month left at the end of the money?
A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.
A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.
I look at the NBA as a football game without the helmet.
I would start a revolution, but I just bought a hammock.
I'm so lazy I've got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.
I'll tell you what makes my blood boil?... Crematoriums.
We do not know when he is coming. He is coming tomorrow.
Those numbers with Tony are so often and so interesting.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Look at your watch now. You're still a super hot female.
I realize why women die in childbirth - it's preferable.
Time is what prevents everything from happening at once.
I'm gonna enjoy being old I think I'll be awesome at it.
Every time we had a raid, I'd get a boyfriend out of it.
Chord substitution isn't some mysterious religious sect.
My main objective is to be professional but to kill him.
Nations have come under the control of haters and fools.
Why are there five syllables in the word “monosyllabic”?
God created war so that Americans would learn geography.
Life is too short to do the things you don't love doing.
I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean.
If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!
Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery
Everything comes to him who waits, except a loaned book.
If your pussy was so good, you would drive a better car.