Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Eric Show will be 0 for 10 if that pop fly ever comes down.
Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.
Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.
Old age is - a lot of crossed off names in an address book.
And there's no damage to the car. Except to the car itself.
Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse.
If you have enough book space, I don't want to talk to you.
Anything happens in Grand Prix racing, and it usually does.
You shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.
Edwards missed getting Stearns at third base by an eyeball.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
Every time I have a bikini wax, Cameron Diaz holds me down.
Cats have nine lives. Makes them ideal for experimentation.
James Lipton: The most pompous arrogant failure in history.
The opera is to music what a bawdy house is to a cathedral.
If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve
I often pay homeless people to come round and clean my car.
I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.
For every book you buy, you should buy the time to read it.
Baseball was made for kids, and grown-ups only screw it up.
A cigar has "...a fire at one end and a fool at the other."
All sins are forgiven once you start making a lot of money.
If you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything.
An idea isn't responsible for the people who believe in it.
A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.
Marriage, a market which has nothing free but the entrance.
Have you ever thought about letting Cheesus into your Life?
One half who graduate from college never read another book.
I've done a bit of Latin in my time...but I can control it.
Why don't you get a haircut? You look like a chrysanthemum.
The best way to keep your friends is not to give them away.
God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.
Man cannot live by bread alone; he must have peanut butter.
To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.
The chief function of the body is to carry the brain around.
Have you noticed that families on TV never watch television?
You know how to tell if the teacher is hung over? Movie Day.
Women have all the power because women have all the vaginas.
Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
Lost time is like a run in a stocking. It always gets worse.
Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world.
I hope you slip in a puddle of AIDS and crack your head open
The perfect lover is one who turns into a pizza at 4:00 A.M.
I think the hard part is over. Now it's time for us to play.
Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
We shall reach greater and greater platitudes of achievment.
Expert: a man who makes three correct guesses consecutively.