Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I like friends as I like music - when I am in the mood.
I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.
Onions make me sad. A lot of people don't realize that.
Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.
I took a lie detector test the other day. No, I didn't.
Dachshund: A half-a-dog high and a dog-and-a-half long.
The judge is found guilty when a criminal is acquitted.
You clap. The Censor wakes up. We all get into trouble.
Drugs kill, just like cancer. So don't smoke... tumors.
I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
If anything is worth doing, it is worth doing it badly.
Thinking is one thing no one has ever been able to tax.
Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.
Should I really care what kind of beer frogs recommend?
On second thought, I think I am more crazy than my goat.
I didn't see the time, largely because there wasn't one.
The law is simply expediency wearing a long white dress.
You ever read a book that changed your life? Me neither.
Wagner has lovely moments but awful quarters of an hour.
The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it.
No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar.
Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
The worst feature of a new baby is its mother's singing.
America’s one of the finest countries anyone ever stole.
A pekingeese is not a pet dog; he is an undersized lion.
I would have voted against the Civil Rights Act of 1964.
Don't mind your make-up, you'd better make your mind up.
Fermentation may have been a better invention than fire.
I'd like to start a religion. That's where the money is.
People say that life is the thing, but I prefer reading.
Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.
I always feel like I'm the young one, I'm the small one.
I am blessed with a funny gene that makes me enjoy life.
Ones real life is often the life that one does not lead.
You see much more of your children once they leave home.
If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.
I never see any home cooking - all I get is fancy stuff.
Turn up the lights. I don't want to go home in the dark.
Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something.
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat
I want to make sure everybody who has a job wants a job.
I'm going to make a prediction - it could go either way.
It's easy to smile when you have a squirrel's intellect.
It's wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
I think it's interesting that cologne rhymes with alone.
I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
Wise men learn more from fools than fools from the wise.
This President is going to lead us out of this recovery.
Was that suit made to order? Where were you at the time?