Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.
Personally, I don't like a girlfriend to have a husband. If she'll fool her husband, I figure she'll fool me.
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'
You will not kill my girlfriend today, International Terrorists of Ambiguous Nationality!
If me and my girlfriend were fighting, and it got to the point where she started crying, I would just shut up and hold her.
A lot of people wouldn't feel miserable in this environment. A lot of people aren't dating my girlfriend.
You know," I said to Michael, "my girlfriend took him down with a broken tree branch." "Too bad she isn't here," he said.
Well, a girlfriend once told me never to fight with anybody you don't love.
I said to my girlfriend, you shouldn't eat before you swim. She said, "why not"? I said, you look fat.
I am the most jealous boy in the world, when I'm with my girlfriend. I always kiss her so that the other guys know she's mine
There was a long time where I was an "artist" in quotes, who had no money. But I guess back then I also never had a girlfriend.
I can make your girlfriend scream louder than you ever could just by pressing her follow button.
I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'
I have a great family, good friends, a nice girlfriend, my own house. I have got everything how I want it to be.
Music is like girlfriends to me; I'm continually astonished by the choices other people make.
If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure.
I won't lie. Walking into a room and seeing your girlfriend reading a baby-name book can kind of make your heart stop.
I'm getting pretty worried. My girlfriend hasn't gotten her period. And she's already 14.
I don't have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend I do. I just stand in my apartment screaming No, that's not what I said!
If you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass, you might be a redneck.
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me… Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
What do you do if you're in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?
I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on my girlfriend when she's in the shower.
Find out if your girlfriend is a feminist before you get too far into it. Some of them are pretty. They don't all look like Bella Abzug.
I never fit in with my peer group. I never hung out with kids my age - I always wanted to hang out with my mom and her girlfriends.
I want a girlfriend who eats as much as I do, which is a lot.
Dying to meet your girlfriends that you said you might bring. If they're the ones that tell you that you do the right thing.
My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.
I’ve stopped thinking about it. I don’t have time to have a girlfriend. I have like a full-time job Learning How to Be Blind.
Is it a bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend makes you say things like, Satan is a myth... I guess.
There's only two people in your life you should lie to... the police and your girlfriend.
Recently my girlfriend asked me if I was having sex behind her back and I replied, "Yes, who did you think it was?"
People often ask me why don't you have a girlfriend. Then I smile and say: I have thousands some just haven't met me yet
Because I have a girlfriend, I try and take the straight and narrow path, which is good because it prevents VD.
And I told you, I'm not going to pursue another man's girlfriend. You want to talk honor. There it is in its purest form
My girlfriend asked me if I only love her for her body. I said no, baby. Just parts of it.
You might be a redneck if you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
If I got a girlfriend, I’d feed her playfully all of the time.
I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer… but no one will do it.
When i was 12 all of my friends had girlfriends and i didn't, i felt lonely so i asked my mom to date me.
I feel worthless. My girlfriend was attacked on the subway yesterday. And I can't even enjoy it.
My girlfriend is Jewish. But it's easier to buy her a Christmas present and then break it into 8 pieces.
My ex-girlfriend owned a parakeet…oh my god, that f**king thing would never shut up. But the bird was cool.
My girlfriend is despicable. I just found out she flirted with my brother, during my mom's funeral, while I was asleep.
My neighbor complains every time my girlfriend and I have sex. We're not even that loud. But he used to date my girlfriend.
My girlfriend wants an open relationship. I said no way. What kind of man would I be if I had to tell my friends I date you?
When my girlfriend cooks dinner, I'm happy to do the dishes. Because I make her wash dishes when I take her to a restaurant.
My girlfriend is upset about her new haircut. I don't understand why she's crying. I'm the one who has to get a new girlfriend.
My girlfriend was just killed in a car accident. Devastating. I can't believe I'm only going to have sex with her one more time.
I'm trying to teach my girlfriend how to surf. But I just end up yelling at her the whole time. Because I don't know how to surf.