Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
They are again in the dirt in the desert.
I'm spending a year dead for tax reasons.
Astrology is not an art, it is a disease.
I don't know what's wrong with that girl.
My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
Old age hath yet his honour and his toil.
You're only as good as your last haircut.
Old age is fifteen years older than I am.
Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness.
More basses, because you are so far away.
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
Suppose they gave a war, and no one came?
A snake bite emergency kit is a body bag.
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.
A hooker once told me she had a headache.
I can say that. I have a television show.
She hasn't run faster than herself before
I was once arrested for resisting arrest.
As you can see, visually, with your eyes.
I think I am, therefore, I am... I think.
My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.
I'm the oldest I've ever been, right now.
Everyone should have an evil secret plan.
It is not an easy thing to inflate a dog.
I enjoy bathing, as many Europeans don't.
Bring down the curtain, the farce is over
There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
If you think is was an accident, applaud.
My first wife didn't like to fly, either.
Life is a combination of magic and pasta.
I remixed a remix, it was back to normal.
Life would be tragic if it weren't funny.
Zionism and pessimism are not compatible.
This is Frank Carson, News at Ten, Sober.
I have been laid up with intentional flu.
I'll go anywhere as long as it's forward.
A sleeping bag is a tortilla for a human.
Tonight I'm going to listen with my ears.
He treats me like the dirt under my feet.
Small earthquake in Chile. Not many dead.
The phrase 'domestic cat' is an oxymoron.
Watch me closely - only one can spoil it.
I tried marijuana once. I did not inhale.
Competitions are for horses, not artists.
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
Dead birds don't fall out of their nests.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
A good time for laughing is when you can.
In San Francisco, Halloween is redundant.