Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
But the peasants - how do the peasants die?
I've got a sense of humor. I'm a funny guy.
I wish I had AIDS so I could bite somebody.
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?
I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.
I'd love to date somebody cool, fun, funny.
That was like swatting June bugs off a fly.
One lives in the hope of becoming a memory.
When the sun comes up, I have morals again.
He's a fool that makes his doctor his heir.
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
It 's the time of year when Canadians mate.
Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
War is a poor chisel to carve out tomorrow.
I have such poor vision I can date anybody.
It's hard to fight when you're in a gazebo.
Avoid fruits and nuts. You are what you eat.
... the moral equal of our Founding Fathers.
Women would rather be right than reasonable.
You can't eat your friends and have them too
We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves.
If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.
Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.
You've got to take the sour with the bitter.
Eating words has never given me indigestion.
The more I see of man, the more I like dogs.
Few great men would have got past personnel.
I don't need a president with a bucket list!
It's funny how most activists are pacifists.
Questions are creative acts of intelligence.
Third ain't so bad if nothin' is hit to you.
Television is a weapon of mass distractrion.
Benedict may not be as hurt as he really is.
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
Now is the time for all good men to come to.
Defy your own group. Rebel against yourself.
I am very picky about my people and my beer.
Comedy is only funny when there's real pain.
When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.
I think pickles are cucumbers that sold out.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Never lie when the truth is more profitable.
She's a big-hearted girl with hips to match.
Love your haters - they're your biggest fans
We will welcome them with bullets and shoes.
There's one thing about baldness, it's neat.
Your Constitution is all sail and no anchor.
I never know how much of what I say is true.