Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
The only reason Woodstock was necessary is because they didn't have iTunes.
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.
Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.
If I had a Boy Scout I could make a fire by rubbing his hind legs together.
Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.
I came here to chew bubble gum and kick ass. And I'm all out of bubble gum.
Funny enough, you know who I used to really like in Lion King? It was Scar.
That's the fastest time ever run - but it's not as fast as the world record
Don't look now, but there's one too many in this room and I think it's you.
It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.
This is one race of people for whom psychoanalysis is of no use whatsoever.
Being a musician is a given for me-I didn't have much choice in the matter.
Up till now, they are only on dock No. 10, not in Umm Qasr, not in the city
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
The funny thing about the people I don't like - they're very self-centered.
I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer.
You have to have been a Republican to know how good it is to be a Democrat.
Some of us worship in churches, some in synagogues, some on golf courses...
Marriage is like wine. It is not be properly judged until the second glass.
It can't be any simpler: the farewell is going to be on the Champs-Elysees.
The Concorde is great. It gives you three extra hours to find your luggage.
Don't accept rides from strange men, and remember that all men are strange.
When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken.
If some beggar steals a bridle he'll be hung by a man who's stolen a horse.
Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined.
I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook, but she uses a smoke alarm as a timer.
Is it rude to Twitter during sex? To go "omg, omg, wtf, zzz"? Is that rude?
An income tax form is like a laundry list - either way you lose your shirt.
If the laws could speak for themselves, they would complain of the lawyers.
I find this corpse guilty of carrying a concealed weapon and I fine it $40.
The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.
We can't hear the balance yet because the soloist is still on the airplane.
The English laws punish vice; the Chinese laws do more, they reward virtue.
I don't think I'll ever be a real boat reporter. My Rolex isn't big enough.
A mediocre season for Nelson Piquet as he is now known and always has been.
What we love about love is the fever, which marriage puts to bed and cures.
I did not have three thousand pairs of shoes, I had one thousand and sixty.
There is a strength of conviction that can only come from being 100% wrong.
Women with pasts interest men because they hope history will repeat itself.
I often carry things to read so that I will not have to look at the people.
Looking at small advantages prevents great affairs from being accomplished.
I haven't taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.
A cat is more intelligent than people believe, and can be taught any crime.
Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?
Two grand slams in a week - man, that's seven or eight ribbies right there.
Gardening requires lots of water... most of it in the form of perspiration.
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.