Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Coe has smashed the world record, 1:44.92 seconds has never been run easier
If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
Heredity is what sets the parents of a teenager wondering about each other.
I came home and found that my son was taking drugs - my very best ones too!
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
I have a theory that the truth is never told during the nine-to-five hours.
When an opera star sings her head off? she usually improves her appearance.
The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
Travel like Ghandi, with simple clothes, open eyes and an uncluttered mind.
Intelligence is an accident of evolution, and not necessarily an advantage.
An original idea. That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them.
It seems that for success in science or art, a dash of autism is essential.
I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
I find, when you're an optimist, life has a funny way of looking after you.
That's the fourth extra base hit for the Padres - two doubles and a triple.
A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name.
If people don't want to come out to the ball park, nobody's gonna stop 'em.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
I like to use big words so people will think I know what I'm talking about.
Life is as tedious as twice-told tale, vexing the dull ear of a drowsy man.
Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.
I think every group of black guys should have at least one white guy in it.
I think things are funny when the character is taking it totally seriously.
I was born in very sorry circumstances. Both of my parents were very sorry.
I knew a transsexual guy whose only ambition is to eat, drink, and be Mary.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Even if a farmer intends to loaf, he gets up in time to get an early start.
Give the American people a good cause, and there's nothing they can't lick.
Give me a couple of years, and I'll make that actress an overnight success.
Poetry is one of the few nasty childhood habits I've managed to grow out of
It is not possible for one to teach others who cannot teach his own family.
I wonder what chairs think about all day: "Oh, here comes another asshole."
I think those neighborhood signs that say 'slow children playing' are mean.
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.
It was unworthy of our military sources that they were the first to weaken.
So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
Analysing comedy is like dissecting a frog. Nobody laughs and the frog dies.
Every city I go to is an opportunity to paint, whether it's Omaha or Hawaii.
If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry.
Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite.
The Olympics have just started and the Greeks are already 14 medals in debt.
A lot of actors talk about doing their homework, but very few of them do it.
Whoever said, 'It's not whether you win or lose that counts,' probably lost.
Poverty. Racism. Isn't it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?
The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.
All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.
Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met.
We will slaughter them; Bush Junior, and his international gang of bastards!
Friendship will not stand the strain of very much good advice for very long.