Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
You can bear your own faults, and why not a fault in your wife?
When it's three o'clock in New York, it's still 1938 in London.
She could have a Grammy I'd still treat her ass like a nominee.
An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.
In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble.
How glorious it is - and also how painful - to be an exception.
Also, I'm sleeping with your mom. Just thought you should know.
The English have no soul; they have the understatement instead.
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
A city is a large community where people are lonesome together.
My wife loves Europe, but to me it's a bad day at a theme park.
I observe the physician with the same diligence as the disease.
Let us swear while we may, for in heaven it will not be allowed
A gentleman is someone who can play the accordion, but doesn't.
If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.
Nearly everyone will lie to you, given the right circumstances.
The most ethical administration in the history of the Republic.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
In high school, I was voted 'Most Humorous' in my senior class.
Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic, and so am I.
Books are no more threatened by Kindle than stairs by elevators.
Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.
Most successful investors, in fact, do nothing most of the time.
I don't know anything about music. In my line you don't have to.
The chicken came first - God would look silly sitting on an egg.
To be ignorant of one's ignorance is the malady of the ignorant.
My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
Injections are the best thing ever invented for feeding doctors.
He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace.
I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it.
I'm pushing 60 years of age...and that's enough exercise for me.
Why don't you write books people can read?(to her husband James)
If Blake said that, said Father Brian, he never lived in Dublin.
Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of
It might suprise you to know I think I raised them too much, too
Those who can't do, teach. And those who can't teach, teach gym.
The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
Everything in life is somewhere else, and you get there in a car.
Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
But at my back I always hear Time's winged chariot hurrying near.
A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
Free speech isn't dead in Germany and Italy, merely the speakers.
Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish
There is no Democratic or Republican way of cleaning the streets.
You can leave in a huff. Or you can leave in a minute and a huff.
Go to humorous events at comedy clubs and watch laughable movies.
Dogs are getting bigger, according to a leading dog manufacturer.
The name of a man is a numbing blow from which he never recovers.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?