Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Topics
Authors
Professions
Quote of The Day
Picture Quotes
A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z
Humorous Quotes - Page 7
Menu
Grid View
List View
Quote of the Day
Picture Quotes
Top 100 Inspirational Quotes
Top 100 Love Quotes
Top 100 Happiness Quotes
Popular Authors
Groucho Marx
Henry Ford
Billy Graham
George Orwell
Robert Frost
Ruth Bader Ginsburg
Dolly Parton
Khalil Gibran
John C. Maxwell
Carrie Fisher
Popular Topics
Funny
Great
Zinc
Men
Patriotism
Respect
Kids
Old School
Queens
Girl
Catholic, which I was until I reached the age of reason
George Carlin
/
Comedian
Catholic
Humorous
Stupid People
Copy Quote
The judge is found guilty when a criminal is acquitted.
Publilius Syrus
/
Writer
Funny
Guilty
Humorous
Law
Acquitted
Judge
Criminal
Copy Quote
On second thought, I think I am more crazy than my goat.
Remedios Varo
/
Artist
Funny
Crazy
Humorous
Goat
I Am More Than
Am
Second
Copy Quote
You nickednamed my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster?
Stephenie Meyer
/
Writer
Daughter
Humorous
Monsters
Copy Quote
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
Kin Hubbard
/
Cartoonist
Men
Boys
Humorous
Maturity
Middle Aged
Lot
Boy
Copy Quote
Give now. Somewhere, someone feels crappy. You can help.
George Carlin
/
Comedian
Giving
Helping
Humorous
Copy Quote
I have never developed indigestion from eating my words.
Winston Churchill
/
Former Prime Minister Of The United Kingdom
Eating
Humorous
Indigestion
Developed
Copy Quote
There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income.
Will Rogers
/
Actor
Funny
Humorous
Russia
Copy Quote
I love nature, I just don't want to get any of it on me.
Woody Allen
/
Film Producer
Humorous
Want
Witty
Copy Quote
Five exclamation marks: the sure sign of an insane mind.
Terry Pratchett
/
Author
Exclamation Marks
Exclamation Points
Humorous
Copy Quote
When the eagles are silent, the parrots begin to jabber.
Winston Churchill
/
Former Prime Minister Of The United Kingdom
Eagles
Humorous
Life And Love
Copy Quote
If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!
Demetri Martin
/
Comedian
Funny
Humorous
Spoons
Witty
Fat
Spoon
Tell
Copy Quote
We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.
Lily Tomlin
/
Actress
Funny
Technology
Care
Company
Don't Care
Humorous
Phone
Copy Quote
When you get a thing the way you want it, leave it alone.
Winston Churchill
/
Former Prime Minister Of The United Kingdom
Inspiring
Humorous
Want
Copy Quote
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Sam Levenson
/
Humorist
Death
Funny
Clever
Humorous
Die
Sure
Button
Elevator
Push
Copy Quote
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
Douglas Adams
/
Writer
Doubt
Humorous
Profound
Copy Quote
Almost makes you want to go to jail out here, doesn't it?
William J. Clinton
/
42Nd U.s. President
Humorous
Jail
Stupid
Copy Quote
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
George Bernard Shaw
/
Playwright
Wise
Dangerous
Humorous
Sincere
Stupid
Witty
Also
Unless
Copy Quote
Nothing like watching your relatives fight, I always say.
Rick Riordan
/
Author
Funny
Family
Fighting
Humorous
Copy Quote
San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
Herb Caen
/
Journalist
Humorous
San Francisco
Used
Copy Quote
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
Groucho Marx
/
Comedian
Funny
Life
Humorous
Refuse
Witty
Me
Any
Club
Would
Join
Member
Copy Quote
He had the calm confidence of a Christian with four aces.
Mark Twain
/
Author
Funny
Christian
Humorous
Copy Quote
Oh no, the dead have risen and they're voting Republican.
Yeardley Smith
/
Actress
Humorous
Republican
Risen
Voting
Copy Quote
This shirt is "dry-clean only"... Which means it's dirty.
Mitch Hedberg
/
Comedian
Funny
Dirty
Humorous
Witty
Copy Quote
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
T. S. Eliot
/
Playwright
Editors
Humorous
Witty
Writing
Writers
Failed
Copy Quote
We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.
Bob Hope
/
Comedian
Funny
Humorous
Successful
Copy Quote
WARNING: This is assuming your spouse's name is Margaret.
Dave Barry
/
Author
Humorous
Names
Warning
Copy Quote
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?
Woody Allen
/
Film Producer
Death
Dream
Humorous
What If
Witty
Somebody
Exists
Copy Quote
I despise the pleasure of pleasing people that I despise.
Mary Wortley Montagu
/
Writer
Humorous
People
Profound
Copy Quote
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you see okay?
John Mendoza
/
Film Director
Funny
Crosses
Humorous
Copy Quote
Photons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.
Woody Allen
/
Film Producer
Catholic
Humorous
Witty
Copy Quote
There are two kinds of music; German music and bad music.
H. L. Mencken
/
Journalist
Funny
Music
Humorous
Copy Quote
Grant me some wild expressions, Heavens, or I shall burst.
George Farquhar
/
Dramatist
Funny
Expression
Humorous
Burst
Wild
Expressions
Grant
Heavens
Shall
Copy Quote
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
Woody Allen
/
Film Producer
Anniversary
Funny
Smile
Humorous
Sex
Copy Quote
If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.
Rob Corddry
/
Actor
Funny
Humorous
Little Bit
People
Secret
Witty
Little
Funny People Will
Bit
Closer
Sit
Copy Quote
I've always tried to explore the humorous aspects of life.
Ted Lange
/
Actor
Aspect
Aspects Of Life
Humorous
Aspects
Explore
Copy Quote
Sometimes you're the windshield; sometimes you're the bug.
Mark Knopfler
/
Songwriter
Funny
Bugs
Humorous
Copy Quote
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Steven Wright
/
Comedian
Funny
Hilarious
Humorous
Stupid People
Copy Quote
The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
Fred Allen
/
Comedian
Cities
Humorous
Paris
Strikes
Taxi
First Thing
The First Thing
Visitor
Copy Quote
Beer is a wholesome liquor.....it abounds with nourishment
Benjamin Rush
/
In 1797, By Appointment Of President Adams, Rush Was Made Treasurer Of The U.s. Mint, A Post He Held
Beer
Humorous
Liquor
Copy Quote
I'm just trying to portray what I find ironic or humorous.
Max Cannon
/
Comic Strip Creator
Humorous
Ironic
Trying
Portray
Copy Quote
A deaf husband and a blind wife are always a happy couple.
John Florio
/
Poet
Couple
Humorous
Husband
Copy Quote
I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.
Paul Lynde
/
Comedian
Hilarious
Cosmetics
Humorous
Surgery
Three
Weeks
Cosmetic
Copy Quote
An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.
John Buchan
/
Former Governor General Of Canada
Funny
Religion
Atheist
Humorous
Copy Quote
If ignorance is bliss, then knock the smile off my face...
Zack De La Rocha
/
Musician
Humorous
Ignorance
Profound
Copy Quote
The metallic silver coating found on fast-food game cards.
Rich Hall
/
Comedian
Cards
Games
Humorous
Copy Quote
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
Lily Tomlin
/
Actress
Funny
Book
Humorous
Language
Complain
Deep
His
Invented
Satisfy
Copy Quote
I have nothing but respect for you -- and not much of that.
Groucho Marx
/
Comedian
Funny
Humorous
Witty
Copy Quote
The advertisement is the most truthful part of a newspaper.
Thomas Jefferson
/
3Rd U.s. President
Motivational
Truth
Humorous
Copy Quote
I now consider it a good day when I don't step on my boobs.
Joan Rivers
/
Television Personality
Funny
Humorous
Memorable
Copy Quote
‹ Prev
1
2
3
4
5
6
7
8
9
10
...
36
37
Next ›
Stay Connected
facebook
twitter
pinterest
instragram
Picture Quotes Maker
Make Your Picture Quotes, Download and Share
Popular Topic Tags
Uncles
You Are Beautiful
Food
Respect
Inspirational
Sad
Vacation
Women
Home
Dream
Famous
Unconditional Love
Movie
Girl
Kids
Poetry
Good Night
Yoga
Best Friend
Using People
Share This Page
