Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
Of all noises, I think music is the least disagreeable.
When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.
On the other hand, you have different fingers.
We demand rigidly defined areas of doubt and uncertainty!
Being seventy is not a sin. It's not a joy, either.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
No orator can top the one who can give good nicknames.
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.
The first thing that strikes a visitor to Paris is a taxi.
Why do they call it "rush hour" when nothing moves?
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
Error is a hardy plant; it flourishes in every soil.
Five exclamation marks: the sure sign of an insane mind.
I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food
Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.
Whatever it is, I'm against it.
I drink with impunity...or anyone else who invites me.
Christian Deodorant: "Thou Shalt Not Smell"
An innocent bureaucratic snafu.
Every man is as God made him, ay, and often worse.
Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right.
I am easily satisfied with the very best.
You are never too old to become younger!
If you'd lose a troublesome visitor, lend him money.
There are two kinds of music; German music and bad music.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.
This shirt is "dry-clean only"... Which means it's dirty.
We had a very successful trip to Russia. We made it back.
WARNING: This is assuming your spouse's name is Margaret.
Sacred cows make the best hamburger.
Any place I hang my head is home.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
It is a $270 billion cut in medicare
My brain? It's my second favorite organ!
Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting.
Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.
Many complain of their memory, few of their judgment.
I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.
I wear a necklace, cause I wanna know when I'm upside down.
I am only human, although I regret it.
Room service? Send up a larger room.
Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.
I misled people, including even my wife.