Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
Witty and mean is easy - but fond and funny is hard.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep.
And stop pointing that beard at me, it might go off!
I love making friends.... it's people I can't stand.
Witty inspirations are the proverbs of the educated.
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
The future is made of the same stuff as the present.
Girl who sit on Judge's lap get honorable discharge.
I love California, I practically grew up in Phoenix.
I worship the quicksand he [Richard Nixon] walks in.
I won't belong to a club that accepts me as a member
Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!
I believe in censorship. I made a fortune out of it.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.
Desire is in men a hunger, in women only an appetite.
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
Whenever I climb I am followed by a dog called 'Ego'.
For your information, I would like to ask a question.
It's absolutely impossible, but it has possibilities.
Marriage: A word which should be pronounced "mirage".
If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.
Art is the only way to run away without leaving home.
Tell the truth and you won't have so much to remember
I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch.
There is no problem so big it cannot be run away from.
The fashionable woman is sexy, witty, and dry-cleaned.
Forgive me now - tomorrow I may no longer feel guilty.
I'm short enough and ugly enough to succeed on my own.
Every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future.
The perfect normal person is rare in our civilization.
I made myself platinum, but I was born a dirty blonde.
The sad truth is that excellence makes people nervous.
Men are those creatures with two legs and eight hands.
We'll love you just the way you are if you're perfect.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
If you're not having fun, you're doing something wrong.
I'm going to memorize your name and throw my head away.
I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
The only thing standing between me and greatness is me.
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
A witty woman is a treasure; a witty beauty is a power.