Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
To hell with housework, our top priority has always been between our legs.
The trick to forgetting the big picture is to look at everything close-up.
Worker bees can leave. Even drones can fly away. The Queen is their slave.
What people forget is a journey to nowhere starts with a single step, too.
Most times, it's just a lot easier not to let the world know what's wrong.
Today is just one of those days the sun comes out to really humiliate you.
His saliva tasted like the wet dicks of ten thousand lonely truck drivers.
Maybe humans are just the pet alligators that God flushed down the toilet.
The one you love and the one who loves you are never, ever the same person.
No matter how much I try and hide this, bit by bit, I start to fall apart.
Being tired isn't the same as being rich, but most times it's close enough.
I've got two dogs; they're Boston terriers, and they're allowed everywhere.
This isn't about love as in caring. This is about property as in ownership.
Don't write about your most emotionally charged moment as a learning thing.
Seek midday nourishment. Visit memorial acclaimed war hero Colonel Sanders.
The future you have, tomorrow, won't be the same future you had, yesterday.
We've taken the world apart but we have no idea what to do with the pieces.
I don't care what they do with my book so long as the flippin check clears.
I disconnect the telephone to keep the outside world in it's correct place.
They assume she was once gorgeously beautiful. Because now she looks so—bad.
Because everything up to now is a story and everything after now is a story.
Maybe we have to break everything to make something better out of ourselves.
There was no real sense of life because she had nothing to contrast it with.
The only thing that separates us from the animals... is we have pornography.
All human beings search for either reasons to be good, or excuses to be bad.
If you could be either God’s worst enemy or nothing, which would you choose?
More and more, it feels like I'm doing a really bad impersonation of myself.
I don't know the difference between what I want and what I'm trained to want.
College is like a fountain of knowledge - and the students are there to drink
The bright future is that readers are accepting more varied forms of stories.
Reality means you live until you die. The real truth is nobody wants reality.
Only through destroying myself can I discover the greater power of my spirit.
Crap has always happened, crap is happening, and crap will continue to happen.
Maybe self-improvement isn't the answer, maybe self-destruction is the answer.
The world can be a lot better than we settle for. All you have to do is ask.
I write because it's a way of presenting something without having to be there.
Where every day doesn't start with an alarm clock and end with the television.
If you're not drunk and half naked by this point, you're not paying attention.
You realize that our mistrust of the future makes it hard to give up the past.
Rant would tell people: 'You're a different human being to everybody you meet.
Your past is just a story. And once you realize this it has no power over you.
The photographer in my head says: Give me peace. Flash. Give me release. Flash.
Language is what books do very well and movement is what movies does very well.
Imagine how you’d feel if your whole life turned into a job you couldn’t stand.
There's always the chance you could die right in the middle of your life story.
You can tell a more over-the-top incredible story if you use a nonfiction form.
Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known.
You know how they say you only hurt the ones you love? Well, it works both ways.
Everyone thinks their whole life should be at least as much fun as masturbation.
Writing in public gives you that access to a junkyard of details all around you.