Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.
Their casualties and bodies are many. Their equipment and vehicles, several were destroyed.
No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
A lot of people don't think of my work as being all that funny, but I think it's hilarious!
Obviously, the best dressed awards is very relevant, I'm best dressed at all times.(smiles)
Equestrian and sailing are sports for people growing up on the mean streets of Connecticut.
What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?
I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!
Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!"
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Why was I with her? She reminds me of you. In fact, she reminds me more of you than you do!
Stevie Wonder always smells so good... I'm like a DEA dog, I can smell people a block away!
Do not let a flattering woman coax and wheedle you and deceive you; she is after your barn.
Of course, there are a lot of ways you can treat the blues, but it will still be the blues.
I had a nightmare last night. I dreamed Dolly Parton was my mother and I was a bottle baby.
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are.
Do you have any idea how cheap stocks are? Wall Street is now being called Wall Mart Street
I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia.
Do not make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans or they will treat you like dogs.
Eggs! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance!
A woman has got to love a bad man once or twice in her life, to be thankful for a good one.
Hockey players wear numbers because you can't always identify the body with dental records.
Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That's just common sense!
Some guy hit my fender, and I told him, 'Be fruitful and multiply,' but not in those words.
I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'
There is nothing wrong with a woman welcoming all men's advances as long as they are in cash
A woman is like a tea bag - you can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.
You've got to be (an) optimist to be a Democrat, and you've got to be a humorist to stay one
I have a mind like a steel trap. Stuff gets in there and WHAM! it never gets back out again.
I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.
Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably the reason why so few engage in it.
And the druids, they were into sex and death in an interesting night-time telly sort of way.
This must be a gift book. That is to say a book, which you wouldn't take on any other terms.
If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.
There is nothing so good as a burial at sea. It is simple, tidy, and not very incriminating.
I, alone, could never have produced this book. I say this mainly in case there are lawsuits.
The people may be made to follow a path of action but they may not be made to understand it.
In Washington journalists can afford to live almost as well as people who work for a living.
If these two are tired of having sex with each other, what hope is there for the rest of us?
I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.
Forget the Bible, the greatest argument against human evolution is a YouTube comment thread.
I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it.
On being the guest of honor at an awards banquet: "Thank you for making this day necessary."
The optimist thinks this is the best of all possible worlds. The pessimist fears it is true.
Goth Juice... The most powerful hairspray known to man. Made from the tears of Robert Smith.
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
A man can well afford to be as bold as brass, my good fellow, when he gets gold in exchange!
A funny thing happens in real estate. When it comes back, it comes back up like gangbusters.