Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I wrote the story myself. It's all about a girl who lost her reputation but never missed it.
There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life.
There are many talented English personalities, but unfortunately they were all in Hollywood.
I personally stay away from natural foods. At my age I need all the preservatives I can get.
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in braille. I used to rub the dirty parts.
The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
Q: Does this train stop at Brighton? A: I hope so or there's going to be a hell of a splash.
Leeds is a great club and it's been my home for years, even though I live in Middlesborough.
It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously
Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says.
A telescope will magnify a star a thousand times, but a good press agent can do even better.
Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.
I know I want to have children while my parents are still young enough to take care of them.
Bridge is a game that separates the men from the boys. It also separates husbands and wives.
How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dis-ing them anyhow?
Look, if I'd wanted a lecture on the rights of man, I'd have gone to bed with Martin Luther.
By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.
I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.
What a dog I got. Last night he went on the paper four times - three while I was reading it.
We will in fact encourage them to commit more suicides. We have given them death and poison.
Be patient with your boaters and let them rant. Most of them will get over it come December.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Our estimates are that none of them will come out alive unless they surrender to us quickly.
It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
As soon as I get through with you, you'll have a clear case for divorce and so will my wife.
I don't know. I think it's funny! I think it's funny! I go, what? It's so absurd. I'm alone.
The criminals will be humiliated... To hurt the enemy more, raise the level of your attacks.
Do not worry if others do not understand you. Instead worry if you do not understand others.
It's so funny, actors usually have a directing ambition. I've got no ambition for directing.
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone...when I came back the entire area was missing.
My dog was barking at everyone the other day. Still, what can you expect from a cross-breed.
A skeptic is a person who, when he sees the handwriting on the wall, claims it is a forgery.
Payday at my house is like the Academy Awards. My wife says: May I have the envelope please.
I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
School is where you go between when your parents can't take you and industry can't take you.
I hope you have a miscarriage on a Walmart floor and have the baby's room already decorated.
I knew I'd chosen the wrong airline when I noticed the sick bag had the Lord's Prayer on it.
Organic? I grew up on Angel Delight. We didn't have anything in the house if it wasn't neon!
Stalin didn't write any memoirs. He was too secretive. He was afraid people might read them.
When you actually meet the devil and he offers you a deal most artists eventually negotiate.
Life is like a Ferrari, it goes too fast. But that's ok, because you can't afford it anyway.
Tequila? It's not even a drink. It's a way for having the cops around without using a phone.
I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
The only man who makes money following the races is one who does it with a broom and shovel.
If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.
May we now all rise and sing the eternal school hymn: "Attack. Attack. Attack Attack Attack!"
Remember, in China when you are one in a million, there are 1,300 other people just like you.