Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
She has been kissed as often as a police-court Bible, and by much the same class of people.
I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer… but no one will do it.
Children when they ask you why your mama so funny say she is a poet she don't have no sense
Graze on my lips; and if those hills be dry, stray lower, where the pleasant fountains lie.
Like backstage, I just peed like every 3 seconds. I think yur staff thinks I have diarrhea.
Have enough sense to know, ahead of time, when your skills will not extend to wallpapering.
You can talk any redneck into a challenge. That’s why so many rednecks die in strange ways.
If black boxes survive air crashes - why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
It's like this, dear boy, the one in front is blind and the kind one behind is pushing him.
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
It isn't a matter of black is beautiful as much as it is white is not all that's beautiful.
Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.
I went to the worst of bars hoping to get killed but all I could do was to get drunk again.
No country has suffered so much from the ruins of war while being at peace as the American.
We need the children of Indonesia and the Philippines to manufacture our freedom of choice.
Research is an organized method for keeping you reasonably dissatisfied with what you have.
That girl had a great way of making friends, and strangers, and anyone else who was around.
If you're considered a beauty, it's hard to be accepted doing anything but standing around.
Women: Can't live with them, can't bury them in the back yard without the neighbors seeing.
Living in New York City gives people real incentives to want things that nobody else wants.
I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal: high enough so you can look up her dress.
That's the way Stravinsky was. Bup, bup, bup, bup. The poor guy's dead now. Play it legato.
I've always had a theory that some of us are born with nerve endings longer than our bodies
What is the difference between astroturf and grass? I don't know, I never smoked astroturf.
In America any boy may become President, and I suppose it's just one of the risks he takes.
An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh.
You could be adding gasoline to a roaring fire. We understand that. But this is who we are.
The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless.
A penny will hide the biggest star in the universe if you hold it close enough to your eye.
All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
Why do you always start after my beat then rush to catch up? Do you want us to stay behind?
Whether women are better than men I cannot say - but I can say they are certainly no worse.
They should put expiration dates on clothing so we men will know when they go out of style.
I have just returned from Boston. It is the only thing to do if you find yourself up there.
I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
I wrote it the right way, so it was copied the wrong way right. I mean the right way wrong.
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.
Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.
In order to compose, all you need to do is remember a tune that nobody else has thought of.
Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.
Inconceivable!" "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: ‘To rise above little things’.
I was thinking that we all learn by experience, but some of us have to go to summer school.
I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, but you know what's really addictive? Heroin.
Manute Bol is so skinny they save money on road trips. They just fax him from city to city.
But only in their dreams can men be truly free. It was always thus and always thus will be.
Fight them everywhere. Don't give them a chance to breathe until they withdraw and retreat.
Most young women do not welcome promiscuous advances. (Either that, or my luck's terrible.)
Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of the best.
Show me the books he loves and I shall know the man far better than through mortal friends.