Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
I never said all actors are cattle; what I said was all actors should be treated like cattle.
Save your rejections so that later when you are famous you can show them to people and laugh.
I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car.
In some families, please is described as the magic word. In our house, however, it was sorry.
America is a bunch o' bullies. Tell me what the Iraq uniform is like. Don't worry, I'll wait.
I'm a member of the working press; you'd think I'd know better than to listen to journalists.
I saw a seagull hanging out by a lake, but I said, "Don't worry, Dude. I won't say anything."
A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship to the size of his paycheck.
For most celebrities, the biggest meal of the day is toothpaste (they use reduced-fat Crest).
If inflation continues to soar, you're going to have to work like a dog just to live like one
Why hate someone for the color of their skin when there are much better reasons to hate them?
North Dakota State. What do you have to do there to graduate? Milk a cow with your left hand?
It will work out, somehow. That's a hell of a duo right there, Marbury, Crawford and Houston.
I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat.
Any man who has had the job I've had and didn't have a sense of humor wouldn't still be here.
A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after.
It was not my class of people. There was not a producer, a press agent, a director, an actor.
I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.
So I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch."
I'm here to shine a bright light. I'm not here to be a guy of death. I just like 'KD' better.
I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
The men liked to put me down as the best woman painter. I think I'm one of the best painters.
Always telling the truth is no doubt better than always lying, although equally pathological.
I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.
Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
Love is like a war; easy to start but hard to end and you never know where it might take you.
They were a people so primitive they did not know how to get money, except by working for it.
Farrah's dressing room was next to mine. There was a little hole in the wall. I let her look.
In physics, you don't have to go around making trouble for yourself - nature does it for you.
The three ingredients of a successful union between two ... humor, commitment & undying love.
Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don't think so...retired mermaids.
Farewell, dearest friend, never to see one another any more till at the right hand of Christ.
Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.
How are you gonna make an 'idol' from the type of person you're trying to avoid in real life?
Never trust people who smile constantly. They're either selling something or not very bright.
I used to carry a rabbit's foot for luck. Then it was a monkey's paw. Now it's a camel's toe.
A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B.
The greatest thief this world has ever produced is procrastination, and he is still at large.
The fellow who says he'll meet you halfway usually thinks he's standing on the dividing line.
The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver.
The Kenyans haven't done much in the last two games, in fact they haven't competed since 1972
In my opinion MS is a lot better at making money than it is at making good operating systems.
I had a paper route when I was a kid. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses. Or two dumpsters.
The race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.
When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I'm beginning to believe it.
I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.
I've been married to one Marxist and one Fascist, and neither one would take the garbage out.