Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Never try and go on a solo mission on your own.
Finley is going over to get a new piece of bat.
It's funny how the present can change the past.
At the end, excitement maintained its hysteria.
Love is blind, but marriage restores its sight.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
I'd rather be strongly wrong than weakly right.
No periods. If you sneeze, the carpet's ruined.
People with Tourettes.....What makes them tick?
He is like a female llama surprised in her bath.
I don't pull out because... it's not my problem.
A cruise ship is a floating town of lazy people.
I like being funny; I like laughing with people.
McCovey swings and misses, and it's fouled back.
I'm just a person trapped inside a woman's body.
I have 2 weapons; my arms, my legs and my brain.
Believe in yourself and don't care about haters.
Why do we wait until a pig is dead to "cure" it?
The other day I broke 70. That's a lot of clubs.
It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.
My wife's so dumb, she got a nail in the spare!!
My father only hit me once, but he used a Volvo.
Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things.
Hrabosky looks fierce in that Fu Manchu haircut.
Men who are going bald often wear baseball caps.
How come there's only one Monopolies Commission?
I am not part of the problem. I am a Republican.
Hard work is damn near as overrated as monogamy.
The stupidity of one brain multiplied by twelve.
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
Age is of no importance unless you are a cheese.
Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.
Coincidence is God's way of remaining anonymous.
I feel like a fugitive from the law of averages.
I went to a massage parlor, it was self service.
Spring is nature's way of saying, 'Let's party!'
You don't have to die in order to make a living!
I would like to die on Mars. Just not on impact.
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
There's a shot up the alley. Oh, it's just foul.
In this world truth can wait; she is used to it.
Isn't it weird that I'm getting all emotionable?
I can't eat spaghetti. There's too many of them.
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.
You can put lipstick on a pig. It's still a pig.
Winning doesn't really matter as long as you win
First of all, i'm not an actor - I'm an asshole.
If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.