Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Everything in moderation, including moderation.
Ghosts, like ladies, never speak till spoke to.
Time flies. It's up to you to be the navigator.
Jesus loves you... He's not 'in love' with you.
I stand by all the misstatements that I've made
We don't stop going to school when we graduate.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
The more I know about men the more I like dogs.
I came up with a good idea... see-through skin.
I don't see the point of watching men exercise.
What was the name of that dog on "Rin Tin Tin"?
I used to comb my hair back and do stupid stuff
My girlfriend works at Hooters. In the kitchen.
Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.
Music is moonlight in the gloomy night of life.
Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies.
The prettiest dresses are worn to be taken off.
I have never been hurt by what I have not said.
Till I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'
Why are a 'wise man' and a 'wiseguy' opposites?
If you try to be funny, you're not being funny.
All I want for my birthday is another birthday.
Pound notes are the best religion in the world.
The new moron in town is Chad Ford of ESPN.com.
Canoe + waterfall = I don't go camping anymore.
I don't like big feet. It reminds me of gammon.
And he nipped them in the bud, right at the end
Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.
You gotta laugh because if you didn't you'd cry
Rich Folkers is throwing 'em up in the bullpen.
Schumacher has made his final stop three times.
... years of insanity have made this guy crazy!
That was in the past - we're in the future now.
Why should we subsidize intellectual curiosity?
School is a place were you go to eat your lunch
This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.
Comedy is tragedy that happens to other people.
It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
I speak better English than this villain, Bush.
If I'm not back in 5 minutes, just wait longer.
Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
We have the best government that money can buy.
Larry Moffett is 6' 3". Last year he was 6" 6".
Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
Ladies Commit, There's A Wedding In It For You.
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
... some of the best sex I can barely remember.
Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.