Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
You have to think outside the box! Can you imagine One Direction and Eminem?! That would be hilarious.
I love Tina Fey because she acts and she writes and she's hilarious and does a lot of different things.
'South Park' is so hilarious... I remember when it first came out: that show changed television forever.
The best part about being alone is that you really don't have to answer to anybody. You do what you want.
There is only one immutable law in life - in a gentleman's toilet, incoming traffic has the right of way.
I love the Chrisleys and Todd is hilarious in many ways and I love that. I think it's an important trait.
I graduated high school a year early and moved to Los Angeles to go to acting school, which is hilarious.
The cast of 'Parks & Rec' is just a group of unbelievably nice, humble, down to earth, hilarious friends.
I do sheet mask every day! They are so great when you are at home. My daughter thinks they are hilarious.
Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?
I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
It's hilarious to me that by writing an obscene fake children's book I am mistaken for a parenting expert.
An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her.
A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp.
I stretch while I am brushing my teeth to save time, and my son likes to join in and thinks it's hilarious.
Zach Galifianakis is hilarious. I worked with him on a pilot before; he's hilarious and such a nice person.
They've finally come up with the perfect office computer. If it makes a mistake, it blames another computer.
The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics and your opponent will do it for you.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.
'War on Everyone,' I think... the script was hilarious to me, but it's very dark, dark humor. It's super dark.
It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
Acting-wise, I haven't done a lot of comedy, so I would love to work with Jane Lynch. I think she's hilarious.
Inside me there's a thin person struggling to get out, but I can usually sedate him with four or five cupcakes.
Mom and Pop were just a couple of kids when they got married. He was eighteen, she was sixteen and I was three.
The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires.
Amy Poehler, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph - when they speak, everyone listens. Because they're freaking hilarious.
What ought to be done to the man who invented the celebrating of anniversaries? Mere killing would be too light.
The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.
I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days.
Whatever women do, they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
If I was president of the good old U.S.A., I'd turn the churches into strip clubs and watch the whole world pray.
Anybody who doesn't make you feel good, kick them to the curb. And the earlier you start in your life, the better.
Do we have to know who's gay and who's straight? Can't we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive?
I had that whole banter with the police. My mates used to make up raps about Dad being a policeman, it's hilarious.
I am a tender, beautiful and loving guy that happens to slap a photographer now and then because they get in my way.
Pretty sad. Pretty lonely. But that's how I prefer it? I quess? I guess. It's a good guess. It's the best quess ever.
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
One lion thinks it's just hilarious to tackle us. He's very funny about it... and we always know when it will happen.
I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.
I find it very easy playing Bond. I think he's hilarious. He gets himself into some extraordinarily funny situations.
I find what I do for a living really funny. I mean, acting is kind of a hilarious thing for a grown man to call a job.
I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are. That's where us gay people come from - you heterosexuals.
For me, Kate McKinnon can do no wrong. She is an absolute genius. She's a hero of mine. Melissa McCarthy is hilarious.
I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately.
I'm crazy about Shakespeare, who was a notorious word inventor. And my wife is an English teacher, and she's hilarious.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and say to myself "well, that's not going to happen