Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I was born with an adult head and a tiny body. Like a 'Peanuts' character.
It's so trendy, almost bleeding to death. All the cool girls are doing it.
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
I do not believe in using women in combat, because females are too fierce.
I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.
All of 'em, any of 'em that have been in front of me over all these years.
If you walk into my wardrobe, it's kind of hilarious. It's a sea of black.
I remember seeing 'Pitch Perfect' and loving it right away. It's hilarious!
If you have something to say and say nothing, you are really telling a lie.
One possible reason that I don't believe in fate is that I wasn't fated to.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
One person I haven't worked with yet, who I find hilarious, is Chad Coleman.
Just go up to somebody on the street and say 'You're it!' and then run away.
It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?
Men are like bank accounts. The more money, the more interest they generate.
The world is divided into people who do things and people who get the credit.
The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
I've seen a bunch of the 'Portlandia' episodes, and they're pretty hilarious.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I find Lady Gaga hilarious. And I kind of like her. My heart's warmed to her.
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
I didn't have a big fat Greek wedding, but I have a lot of fat Greek friends.
Dude, are my eyes seeing what my brain is telling my eyes that they're seeing?
Television has proved that people will look at anything rather than each other.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I still don't.
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
A conglomerate heap of trash, that's what I am. But it burns with a high flame.
Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?
I needed to make my wig ogg because I no longer wanted to apologize for who I am
If anybody is a master at improvisation, it would be Ken Jeong. He is hilarious.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Cameron Esposito is a musician and podcaster from the States and she's hilarious.
I love tiny, plastic realistic food magnets. I don't know why. They're hilarious.
People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment.
People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target
If you steal from one author it's plagiarism; if you steal from many it's research.
All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance.
Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
I actually don't understand a word Paula's saying anymore. It's like a new language.
Every Brit I met had the best sense of humor. They're hilarious: very dry and witty.
I can't imagine going back to long hair. Cutting it was the greatest thing I ever did
First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.
The casualness with which people say hello to Julia on the street is hilarious to me.
You should always go to other people's funerals, otherwise, they won't come to yours.
I am truly not one to give advice. I'm divorced and I stole my best friend's husband.