Quotes by Mort Sahl - Page 2

The fact is that you can't have a good relationship with a girl who hasn't settled things with her father.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Girl
Facts
Father
Good Relationship
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Obama said he went to Libya because of his conscience. Did anyone ever wrestle with his conscience and lose?
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Libya
Loses
Said
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Professional comedians, surprisingly, have a lack of humor. They're insensitive to the insanity of our times.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Comedian
Insanity
Insensitive
Comedians
Surprisingly
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The distance between taking social action and having the knowledge is as wide as the mouth of the Mississippi.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Action
Distance
Mouths
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New book on Malcolm X says we don't know how he was killed. Want to bring in the FBI. Maybe they were in already.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Book
Fbi
Want
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A conservative doesn't want anything to happen for the first time; a liberal feels it should happen, but not now.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Conservative
Firsts
Want
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I've arranged with my executor to be buried in Chicago. Because when I die, I want to still remain active politically.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Buried
Chicago
Want
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I watched Ken Burns' Civil War series on PBS. My favorite segment is when Bob Hope entertains the troops at Gettysburg.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
War
Bob
Pbs
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There are Russian spies here now. And if we're lucky, they'll steal some of our secrets and they'll be two years behind.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Secret
Two
Years
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Comedians have to challenge the power. Comedians should be dangerous and devastating - and funny. That's the hardest part.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Comedians
Devastating
Hardest Part
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A political satirist's job is to draw blood. I'm not so much interested in politics as I am in overthrowing the government.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Jobs
Government
Blood
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I was on stage last night, and I gave a medical report about Donald Trump. I said he was hospitalized for an attack of modesty.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Medical
Last Night
Modesty
Night
Stage
Trump
Attack
Report
Donald
Donald Trump
Gave
Last
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My whole life is a movie. It's just that there are no dissolves. I have to live every agonizing moment of it. My life needs editing.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Agonizing
Editing
Needs
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The beat generation is a coffeehouse full of people expectantly looking at their watches waiting for the beat generation to come on.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
People
Waiting
Watches
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Remember when movies were just good or bad, before auteurs, film festivals, and guys from USC who were the first to shoot underwater?
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Firsts
Guy
Underwater
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This matter of two sides to every question is bad logic and bad practice: sometimes there are no sides; sometimes there are a hundred.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Matter
Practice
Two Sides
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Remember that no matter how selfish, how cruel, how unfeeling you have been today, every time you take a breath, you make a flower happy.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Flower
Matter
Selfish
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There's a great feeling of powerlessness in America. When I express ideas to people, they say, 'That's terrific, but do you think it really counts?'
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Powerlessness
Terrific
Great People Ideas
Counts
Great Feeling
Great People America
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I was always biting the hand that fed me. It was compulsive. Kennedy was very good to me, and I attacked him as soon as he was elected. I attacked him before he was elected.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Biting
Good Always Me
Attacked
Compulsive
Elected
Fed
Good Me Always
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I made the mistake early in my career, when I moved to Hollywood, of being attracted to actresses. I used to go out exclusively with actresses and other female impersonators.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Careers
Female
Mistake
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If anybody comes up to you and says, My kid is a conservative - why is that? you say, Remember in the 60′s when we told you if you kept using drugs your kids would be mutants?
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Kids
Drug
Would Be
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I was afraid no one would laugh, and I wanted to pretend I wasn't noticing the audience. I didn't want the audience to get the idea I was telling a joke and waiting for a laugh.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Noticing
Pretend
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There are talented people along the way, although very few come to mind. They're not very daring. Part of the problem is that comedians don't want to overthrow anything. They want to join it.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Daring
Although
Mind People Way
Comedians
Talented
Join
Overthrow
Talented People
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I took benzedrine - I got clairvoyance. With benzedrine you can have a very wide view of the world, like you can decide the destiny of man and other pressing problems, such as which is the left sock?
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Men
Destiny
Views
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Most people past college age are not atheists. It's too hard to be in society, for one thing. Because you don't get any days off. And if you're an agnostic you don't know whether you get them off or not.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Atheist
College
Past
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There were four million people in the American Colonies and we had Jefferson and Franklin. Now we have over 200 million and the two top guys are Clinton and Dole. What can you draw from this? Darwin was wrong.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Guy
People
Two
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Nixon's the kind of guy that if you were drowning fifty feet off shore, he'd throw you a thirty foot rope. Then Kissinger would go on TV the next night and say that the President had met you more than half-way.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Feet
Guy
Night
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I dare say that if most comedians today, the gifted ones, were to sit down and write, they'd learn more about their craft. But what happens is they get out there before they learn what their viewpoint is, if any.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Dare
Gifted
Comedians
Craft
Viewpoint
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I was a writer. I couldn't sell anything, and the comedians were among the dumbest people I had ever met. They'd all say to me, 'The average man won't understand it.' You know, they're superior to the average man.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Average
Average Man
Man Me People
Writer
Among
Comedians
Dumbest
Sell
Met
Superior
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Women want their men to be cops. They want you to punish them and tell them what the limits are. The only thing that women hate worse from a man than being slapped is when you get on your knees and say you're sorry.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Men
Hate
Sorry
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In the forties, to get a girl you had to be a GI or a jock. In the fifties, to get a girl you had to be Jewish. In the sixties, to get a girl you had to be black. In the seventies, to get a girl you've got to be a girl.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Girl
Black
Sex
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If someone were to ask me for a short cut to sensuality, I would suggest he go shopping for a used 427 Shelby-Cobra. But it is only fair to warn you that of the 300 guys who switched to them in 1966, only two went back to women.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Cutting
Shopping
Two
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Will Rogers…used to come out with a newspaper and pretend he was a yokel criticizing the intellectuals who ran the government. I come out with a newspaper and pretend I’m an intellectual making fun of the yokels running the government.
Mort Sahl / Comedian
Running
Government
Fun
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Mort Sahl Quotes - Page 2

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