Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Fortune, seeing that she could not make fools wise, has made them lucky.
Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
Having money is rather like being a blond. It is more fun but not vital.
The Middle Eastern states aren't nations; they're quarrels with borders.
A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin.
I wish I had more hands, so I could give those titties four thumbs down!
There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.
A Christmas tree--the perfect gift for a guy. The plant is already dead.
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
The world is a globe — the farther you sail, the closer to home you are.
Every dog has it's day, unless he loses his tail, then he has a weakend.
It's just as unpleasant to get more than you bargain for as to get less.
I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.
Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?
Let us work without theorizing, tis the only way to make life endurable.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
The real fact is that I could no longer stand their eternal cold mutton.
Why do I even dare to think I could dream I could imagine I could hope?!
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.
The word 'Spanx' was funny. It made people laugh. No one ever forgot it.
When the ax came into the forest the trees said the handle is one of us.
It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.
My daughters been picked up so many times she's starting to grow handles
You can't get unfamous. You can get infamous but you can't get unfamous.
What if God's a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why!
There are not enough Indians in the world to defeat the Seventh Cavalry.
I put fruit on top of my waffles, because I want something to brush off.
Learn to use the criticism as fuel and you will never run out of energy.
Give us the luxuries of life, and we will dispense with its necessities.
Be kind and considerate to others, depending somewhat upon who they are.
Give me snuff, whiskey, and Swedes, and I will build a railroad to hell.
If you go long enough without a bath, even the fleas will let you alone.
It is not as difficult as I thought it was, but it is harder than it is.
My opinion is that anybody offended by breastfeeding is staring too hard
Religion, to me, is a bureaucracy between man and God that I don't need.
In order to be happy you need a good dog, a good woman, and ready money.
Doing nothing is very hard to do... you never know when you're finished.
The problem with children is that you have to put up with their parents.
Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough.
Being an ugly woman is like being a man. You're gonna have to work. Yep.
That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them.
A hick town is one where there is no place to go where you shouldn't go.
Every Harvard class should have one Democrat to rescue it from oblivion.
I don't care if you think I'm racist. I just want you to think I'm thin.
Bacon is like the opposite of medicine. It's like, "Take that, Lipitor."
Any fool can carry on, but a wise man knows how to shorten sail in time.
If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.
Thank you so much for breaking my heart because you got me four Grammys.
I don't have to look up my family tree, because I know that I'm the sap.
Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.