Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
A good conscience is a continual Christmas.
Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.
It's never just a game when you're winning.
I'm a sarcastic, observational storyteller.
Some folks are wise and some are otherwise.
I don't recognize you - I've changed a lot.
I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.
I always get the better when I argue alone.
The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
I'm stingy and I'm proud of the reputation.
Women are made to be loved, not understood.
Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.
It's like cuddling with a Butterball turkey.
We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves.
Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast.
The more I see of man, the more I like dogs.
Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned.
America knows nothing of food, love, or art.
She never was really charming till she died.
If you drink like a fish, don't drive: swim.
He strains his conversation through a cigar.
A mental midget with the IQ of a fence post.
He knows so little and knows it so fluently.
He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.
His face was filled with broken commandments.
Avoid sarcasm. Don't insist on the last word.
He's so snobbish he has an unlisted zip-code.
It's a plastic surgeon you need, not a doctor
'Therefore' is a word the poet must not know.
He was happily married - but his wife wasn't.
The consumer isn't a moron; she is your wife.
I can be quite sarcastic when I'm in the mood.
Political correctness is tyranny with manners.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Colombian humor is very black, very sarcastic.
The finest woman that ever walked the streets.
I'm a sarcastic person. I learn through humor.
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
He was about as useful in a crisis as a sheep.
The best things in life are free - and $19.95.
He has the attention span of a lightning bolt.
Pushing forty? She's hanging on for dear life.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
He is a fine friend. He stabs you in the front.
His smile is like the silver plate on a coffin.
Has the mathematical abilities of a Clydesdale.
This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.
We have the best government that money can buy.
He loves nature in spite of what it did to him.
Electricity is really just organized lightning.