I'm an Action Transvestite.

Try not to wake up on fire.

At my age flowers scare me.

Nothing can help my comedy.

Modesty is my best quality.

I model irregular clothing.

I grew up in front of a TV.

I'm really big on hormones.

I feel non-stop Brit shame!

Guns don't kill, people do.

Life is a four-letter word.

I am a bit of a daydreamer.

I will die, but not retire.

Sometimes I steal costumes.

I don't want only a career.

I have lived a carnal life.

If I have kids, I'll adopt.

I eat well, and I exercise.

My whole act is confession.

Sometimes I... No, I don't.

I'm a peripheral visionary.

I think abortion is murder.

Ain't fit for man nor beast

There's depth in my comedy.

I get depressed at airports.

Comedy has no rules, per se.

Gray hair is God's graffiti.

You can't climb a tile wall.

Don't die until you're dead.

My birth name is Ned Mencia.

I never wanted to be famous.

Most stick people are black.

There's a lust to get on TV.

Life is tough, then you die.

I grew up in Sheepshead Bay.

I am a really bad boyfriend.

Teaching is performance art.

Satire is tragedy plus time.

I'm a firm believer of wine.

I'm a compulsive everything.

All humor is rooted in pain.

My wife gives good headache.

Life is just a bowl of pits.

Random things make me laugh.

I don't need a lot of space.

I'm the master at publicity.

I'm Irish. We think sideways

A metaphor is like a simile.

We are what make up society.

Comedy comes from confusion.

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