Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
The man who invented the red carpet needed his head examined.
Not enough gets said about the importance of abandoning crap.
A friend you have to buy won't be worth what you pay for him.
Were kisses all the joys in bed, One woman would another wed.
What would men be without women? Scarce, sir...mighty scarce.
I can see none of you are smugglers; that's why it's so loud.
I have a poor memory for names; but I seldom remember a face.
Acting is easier and smoother than singing - it's less drama.
I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humor.
What people commonly call fate is mostly their own stupidity.
These cowards have no morals. They have no shame about lying.
I'm bald, blind and pale. I'm like a gigantic recessive gene.
If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.
The filter's the best part. That's where they put the heroin.
Everybody who is incapable of learning has taken to teaching.
You can lead a man to Congress, but you can't make him think.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
It got up to 94 degrees today – that's pretty good at my age.
Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things.
Why did God create men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.
If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.
However, it is always nice to be expected, and not to arrive.
The trouble with this business is the dearth of bad pictures.
The meek shall inherit the Earth, but not its mineral rights.
Looking up gives light, although at first it makes you dizzy.
If you stay in Beverly Hills too long, you become a Mercedes.
If you ask me anything I don't know, I'm not going to answer.
My baby is weird man... when he get mad, he gets in the oven.
I always feel I do it too slow, but then others do it faster.
All women are good - good for nothing, or good for something.
There is not enough time to do all the nothing we want to do.
You never realize how short a month is until you pay alimony.
Houston has its largest crowd of the night here this evening.
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
My ideal prom date would have to be cute, funny, sweet, nice.
My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.
The joy of music should never be interrupted by a commercial.
I'm aiming by the time I'm fifty to stop being an adolescent.
The faults of the burglar are the qualities of the financier.
Every man has a right to be conceited until he is successful.
Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
Some men never feel small, but these are the few men who are.
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right.
I spent 90% of my money on women and drink. The rest I wasted
Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.