Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
You can lead a boy to college, but you cannot make him think.
Wherever I have gone in this country, I have found Americans.
Gas is getting so expensive I'm gonna ride a mexican to work.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense.
I don't need you to be funny. I don't want to be entertained.
The tongue is the only instrument that gets sharper with use.
Freedom of the press is guaranteed only to those who own one.
The books that everybody admires are those that nobody reads.
If you have a job without aggravations, you don't have a job.
Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.
Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.
You know the trouble with real life? There's no danger music.
The impulse to travel is one of the hopeful symptoms of life.
The best time to have a baby is when you're a black teenager.
In order for three people to keep a secret, two must be dead.
The information was correct but the interpretations were not.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
I live in my own little world. But its ok, they know me here.
There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure.
The only way you can beat the lawyers is to die with nothing.
Hey, people who travel with their bed pillow. You look insane.
I thought I was supposed to have a fake six-pack in this scene
Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.
My idea of an agreeable person is a person who agrees with me.
Let the meek inherit the earth -- they have it coming to them.
If you're gonna be two-faced at least make one of them pretty.
Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.
Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.
I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
In a moment, we hope to see the pole vault over the satellite.
I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced
If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?
I'm odd looking. Sometimes I think I look like a funny muppet.
If any of you cry at my funeral I'll never speak to you again.
We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to move forward.
Right now Andy Larkin is pitching just like young Andy Larkin.
I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.
New white people, you can't scare these white people, I tried.
Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.
Every time I look at you I get a fierce desire to be lonesome.
I had a chicken finger that was so big, it was a chicken hand.
On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.
Any man whose errors take ten years to correct is quite a man.
Tell me, was it you or your brother who was killed in the war?
You'll be richer in the end than a prince, if you're a friend.
I don't mean to make you nervous, but unfortunately I have to.
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.