Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Silence is foolish if we are wise, but wise if we are foolish.
I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.
I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced.
Marriage is not about age; it's about finding the right person.
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky.
I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike, I have a rear view mirror.
The English have a miraculous power of turning wine into water.
By appreciation, we make excellence in others our own property.
Man can not live by bread alone ... he must have peanut butter.
There are three sorts of lawyers - able, unable and lamentable.
The stupider the peasant, the better the horse understands him.
I'm not a sexual person, really. I don't really care about sex.
If you want to annoy your neighbors, tell the truth about them.
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
The operation was a success, but I'm afraid the doctor is dead.
Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.
I have weird aspirations. Like, I really want to kick a pigeon.
It is a ship with a great deal of sail but a very shallow keel.
money is not everything but it ranks right up there with oxygen
Plant and your spouse plants with you; weed and you weed alone.
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
Soft rock music isn’t rock, and it ain’t music. It’s just soft.
One time, I was so hungry, I ate the beans in a bean bag chair.
I ate one anchovy, and that is why I did not eat two anchovies.
They say you can't do it, but sometimes it doesn't always work.
He has no enemies, but he is intensely disliked by his friends.
A lawyer is just like an attack dog, only without a conscience.
My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.
I guess I didn't enjoy drawing very much. It was like homework.
Everyone told me to pass on Speed because it was a 'bus movie.'
I'm proud to be part of a generation where reading is a 'look.'
If I had nine of my fingers missing I wouldn't type any slower.
Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time.
It turns out your not dyslexic, your just really really stupid.
Journalists should denounce government by public opinion polls.
I'm just like anyone. I cut and I bleed. And I embarass easily.
I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.
If you want to work consistently, you have to be a team player.
Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with either hand.
If I ever wear a Chelsea shirt, you have permission to kill me.
Never underestimate a child's ability to get into more trouble.
Why do I have to feed the kids? They just ate twelve hours ago!
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
On this show, your voice will be heard in the form of my voice.
Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about.
The first law of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts
Rule No.1: Never lose money. Rule No.2: Never forget rule No.1.
If we lose this war, I'll just start another in my wife's name.
The bulk of mankind is as well equipped for flying as thinking.