Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
It's very easy to turn a toy into an adult toy: Location, location, location.
Home is the place where, when you have to go there, they have to take you in.
Most people named Willie are either in prison or on the armwrestling circuit.
A hotel is a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in business.
great people are those who make others feel that they, too, can become great.
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
Happy is the man with a wife to tell him what to do and a secretary to do it.
A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question about it.
If all the fools in this world should die, lordly God how lonely I should be.
They say you're not supposed to put metal in a microwave oven. They're right.
I live at the end of a dead end one way street. I don't know how I got there.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.
One of the most feared expressions in modern times is 'The computer is down.'
I was a lesbian for a semester at Wesleyan - it was a graduation requirement.
Sisters never quite forgive each other for what happened when they were five.
When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
I've done coke 'til my nose was bleeding like the fourth week of Lilith Fair.
Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?
My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night it was to time an egg.
The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook.
I don't do drugs. If I want a rush I just stand up when I'm not expecting it.
Besides if people really want to support the troops they would vote democrat.
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.
The people who know nothing about music are the ones always talking about it.
They're funny things, Accidents. You never have them till you're having them.
The sea is the same as it has been since before men ever went on it in boats.
Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?
My experience is that people are most likely to listen to reason when in bed.
A man goes to a psychiatrist. "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor says, "Next!"
All wrong doing is done in the sincere belief that it is the best thing to do.
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody put a flagstick on top.
Tracy McGrady is doing things we've never seen from anybody - from any planet!
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
If you have to ask if a clothing item is a dress or a top, it is always a top.
Parker's grand slam is the same as going 4 for 4, even though he went 1 for 4.
I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room
I got the nickname Spitfire for a reason - I burned inside to play volleyball.
I cannot tell you what hotel I'm staying at, but there are two trees involved.
I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.
I had just received my degree in Calcium Anthropology... the study of milkmen.
Women will forgive anything. Otherwise, the race would have died out long ago.
Your services might be as useful as a barbershop on the steps of a guillotine.
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
In order for this team to win the game, the quarterback has to throw the ball.
I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger.
I actually think being involved in the cesarean would be... I just can't wait!
Most people sell their souls, and live with a good conscience on the proceeds.
I always like to go to Washington D.C. It gives me a chance to visit my money.