Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
The only advantage to wearing glasses is that you can do that dramatic removal.
You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee.
God not only plays dice, he throws them in the corner where you can't see them.
Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping.
The soldiers of Saddam Hussein have given them a lesson they will never forget.
The American Dream is not to own your own home, but to get your kids out of it.
I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead.
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans.
If you open that Pandora's Box you never know what Trojan 'orses will jump out.
Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.
Women give us solace, but if it were not for women we should never need solace.
I masturbate! I do it like I think if I keep doing it, I'm gonna win something.
If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.
Walt is dead. And, after a couple of hours at Epcot, you'll wish you were, too.
Mick Jagger's lips' so big, black people be going, "You got some big-ass lips!"
I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is 'If it feels good - stop.'
One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool
I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.
If you were to send a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?
You should always live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.
Brewers enjoy working to make beer as much as drinking beer instead of working.
Leader, bandits at 2 o'clock! Roger; it's only 1:30 now-what'll I do 'til then?
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.
We only need to wear shoes because the British built roads which hurt our feet.
Everybody knows what California smog is - that's fog with the vitamins removed.
Mansell is slowing it down, taking it easy. Oh, no he isn't! It's a lap record.
If so many men, so many minds, certainly so many hearts, so many kinds of love.
And he's done that in a whisker under 10 seconds, call it 9.7 in round figures.
The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.
The funniest line in English is 'Get it?' When you say that, everyone chortles.
What a fine weather today! Can’t choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my fort.
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.
Don't argue about the difficulties. The difficulties will argue for themselves.
Diana Rigg is built like a brick mausoleum with insufficient flying buttresses.
I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.
Travel works best when you're forced to come to terms with the place you're in.
Tonight's show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn't - haven't made my mind up yet.
What I want to do is to make people laugh so that they'll see things seriously.
My graduate studies were carried out at the California Institute of Technology.
We enact many laws that manufacture criminals, and then a few that punish them.
I'm like old wine. They don't bring me out very often - but I'm well preserved.
There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.
I never knew what an engineer did for a living when I was a kid. I still don't.
It's a real primal thing, watching someone get hurt. It's funny and accessible.
A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
As you look at the first four, the significant thing is that Alboreto is fifth.