Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
There's a reason you never see anyone's house with a Beware of Cat sign. Because they're not even worth mentioning.
I think hip-hop does a very good job of infusing comedy and humor and wit into music, a lot more than other genres.
Men will confess to treason, murder, arson, false teeth, or a wig. How many of them will own up to a lack of humor?
In Australia, even the darkest subject matter has a little pinch of humor. A little sweet to make the sour go down.
I met Elton John at an Interview dinner, and we just sort of became friends. He's got such a wicked sense of humor.
There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.
Optimist: someone who isn't sure whether life is a tragedy or a comedy but is tickled silly just to be in the play.
I would love to do a film with a lot of humor in it: a comedy with pain instead of a painful film with some comedy.
Humor may be defined as the kindly contemplation of the incongruities of life, and the artistic expression thereof.
I tried to walk into Target, but I missed. I think the entrance to Target should have people splattered all around.
Nature never said to me: Do not be poor; still less did she say: Be rich; her cry to me was always: Be independent.
When I left home, my mum said "Don't forget to write", I thought, "That's unlikely"... It's a basic skill isn't it.
Evangelicals always assume that humor and faith are contradictory. It's OK to smile, to be nice, but not frivolous.
One day in the shower, you figure it out. It's a special day in a man's life. I was like, 'Oh, I found me a hobby.'
I have a great sense of humor, I mean even when my meme came out I reposted it. I didn't care. I was laughing, too!
When you look at Prince Charles, don't you think that someone in the Royal family knew someone in the Royal family?
XM radio doesn't have commercials, so after about thirty minutes of listening to it, I'm like, "What should I buy?"
Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.
We were talking briefly about cocaine... yeah. Anything that makes you paranoid and impotent, give me more of that!
When you turn your heart and your life over to Christ, when you accept Christ as the savior, it changes your heart.
Barack Obama may be black, but John McCain is the first Albino presidential candidate: he's completely see-through!
I have a jar at home, and I put pennies in it whenever I curse. The other day I spilled the jar. I owe it about $25.
What shall we do with...the Jews?...I advise that safe-conduct on the highways be abolished completely for the Jews.
Finding a way to find humor in things that are hardcore is definitely something that, I think, the sitcom does best.
Even celebrities, most people have a sense of humor. Most of the people we meet who we've done on the show, like it.
Humor, a good sense of it, is to Americans what manhood is to Spaniards and we will go to great lengths to prove it.
Presents? We already bought you a lot of things. Member when we were at the market and I bought you gum? You'member.
Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, 'What for?' I said, 'I'm going to buy some sugar.'
You probably found 'How to Survive a Robot Uprising' in the humor section. Let's just hope that is where it belongs.
I think we need not only to eliminate the tollbooth to the middle class, I think we should knock down the tollbooth.
At the factory, I deal with ex-cons, substance abusers, and sexual harassers. And I'm not just talking about my mom.
Humor is how you change people's opinions, and if you can make someone laugh, they'll listen, even if they hate you.
From sixteen to twenty, all women, kept in humor by their hopes and by their attractions, appear to be good-natured.
A sense of humor is so handy, isn't it? It lets you see both sides of a question so that you never need do anything.
You know you have a drinking problem when the bartender knows your name -- and you've never been to that bar before.
And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.
The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back." Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!"
Jesus!" Luke exclaimed. "Actually, it's just me," said Simon. "Although I've been told the resemblance is startling.
Last week I told my psychiatrist, 'I keep thinking about suicide', and he told me from now I have to pay in advance.
As a boy, I was ashamed to wear glasses. I memorized the eye chart, and then on the test they asked essay questions.
Humor is such a wonderful thing, helping you realize what a fool you are but how beautiful that is at the same time.
There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: "I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous."
There are two insults no human being will endure: that he has no sense of humor, and that he has never known trouble.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
People are saying that I'm an alcoholic, and that's not true, because I only drink when I work, and I'm a workaholic.
I don't just like sexual double entendres I love them, I stroke them, I milk them, I spank them when they're naughty.
My wife went into the butchers and said: "You've a sheep's head in your window." The butcher said: "That's a mirror."
Bob Davis has his hair differently this year, short with curls like Randy Jones wears. I think you call it a Frisbee.