Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
To me, 'Scream' is a masterpiece on every level - the performances, the humor, the tone - it's just flawless.
There is the vegetarian Hot Pocket for those of us who don't want to eat meat, but would still like diarrhea.
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha? I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
Humor was not important only for me, humor was important for this nation for centuries, to survive, you know.
People always want to ask me about my drug problem - I never had a drug problem; I had a self-esteem problem!
My wife is Swedish, so I'm familiar with the Scandinavian kind of odd humor. It's very dark and very deadpan.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
I'm a big fan of independent girls who are strong-willed, vocal in their opinions, and have a sense of humor.
Any film which views the darker side of life, which is death with a sense of humor, is very much to my taste.
I wish they made fajita cologne, because that stuff smells good. What's that you're wearing? That's sizzlin'!
If you got into a taxi and the driver started driving backward, would the taxi driver end up owing you money?
Things are more complex today, and I think humor has changed a a great deal. People are more sensitive today.
Laughter, and the broader category of humor, are key elements in helping us go on with our life after a loss.
"God save our gracious Queen": Why would we invoke a non-specific deity to bail out these unelected spongers?
The first ingredient in conversation is truth, the next good sense, the third good humor, and the fourth wit.
I think the reason Jesus is so popular, just on a celebrity level, is that he died at the peak of his career.
Things can be funny only when we are in fun. When we're 'dead earnest,' humor is the only thing that is dead.
They say if you outlaw guns, only outlaws will have guns. Well, those are precisely the people who need them!
I regret that a private comment I made to the vice presidential candidate made it through the public airways.
A college of wit-crackers cannot flout me out of my humor. Dost thou think I care for a satire or an epigram?
You could take Vicodin, step out of the house, onto a freeway, have a truck hit you, and you'd say "My Bad!".
I am a great and sublime fool. But then I am God's fool, and all His works must be contemplated with respect.
I watched as an extremely nerdy exhibitor - I'm talking about a guy who makes Bill Gates look like Brad Pitt.
My wife had a go at me last night. She said, Youll drive me to my grave. I had the car out in thirty seconds.
I don't see how we can allow public dollars to fund programs where spite and hate is the core of the message.
In school, every period ends with a bell. Every sentence ends with a period. Every crime ends with a sentence.
You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.
The greatest compliment that was ever paid me was when one asked me what I thought, and attended to my answer.
To me, sadness and humor aren't disrelated and humor is the best tool I've had against the sadness in my life.
Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food's in the oven. And I'm in the bedroom performin' self lovin'.
Most rock journalism is people who can't write, interviewing people who can't talk, for people who can't read.
Allen's Law of Civilization: It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.
'War on Everyone,' I think... the script was hilarious to me, but it's very dark, dark humor. It's super dark.
A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.
Humor has been the balm of my life, but it's been reserved for those close to me, not part of the public Lana.
My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices to pay for my education... because they were both druids.
My family has been amazing, and they understand how blessed I am. They've been able to keep my sense of humor.
Three minutes thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time.
The boat was so old; it must have been launched when Long John Silver had two legs and an egg on his shoulder.
Visiting Future World is like opening a Chinese fortune cookie to read, "Soon you'll be finished with dinner."
I think my sense of humor is Jewish. I'm smarter than most white people, which is kind of a Jewish thing, too.
Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humor. He will always use it in evidence against you.
And who are the greater criminals-those who sell the instruments of death, or those who buy them and use them?
My aunt gave me a walkie-talkie for my birthday. She says if I'm good, she'll give me the other one next year.
Journalism largely consists of saying 'Lord Jones is Dead' to people who never knew that Lord Jones was alive.
I make fun of situations and try and find the humor in things, but it's never at the expense of the other guy.
Capital punishment would be more effective as a preventive measure if it were administered prior to the crime.
I wish it was that easy to get turned on for me - at this point, I need a bottle of Belevere and a fighterjet.
I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he?"
When you say a friend has a sense of humor do you mean that he makes you laugh, or that he can make you laugh?