Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
There is a very fine line between hobby and mental illness.
How can you be afraid of women?” “Those ain’t normal women.
Sign outside a country shop: We buy junk and sell antiques.
Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
Murphy's golden rule: Whoever has the gold, makes the rules.
Orangutan are very weird animals but they look very soulful.
Database: the information you lose when your memory crashes.
The ultimate camping trip was the Lewis and Clark expedition.
Dogsled-riding is a sport that is relaxing as well as fragrant.
Trails need to be wider so people can walk while holding hands.
Generally the pythons are better than anything else at killing.
He could even think about how fast he was thinking about things.
What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
The Mollusks—generous hosts when they weren’t trying to kill you.
Any parent that relies on any law to help him parent is an idiot.
Everyone has a right to be stupid. Some just abuse the privilege.
There are two kinds of people in this world, and I am one of them.
If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Democracy: In which you say what you like and do what you're told.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.
Dinner Special - Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00
The objective is not so much to walk your dog, as it is to empty him.
Without good grammar, the United States would have lost World War II.
Rembrandt's first name was Beauregard, which is why he never used it.
When to arrive at the airport?: You should be at the airport already.
If you have a big enough dictionary, just about everything is a word.
Never board a commercial aircraft if the pilot is wearing a tank top.
The letters in 'Brace Beemer' can be arranged to spell 'Embrace Beer.'
Spiders so large they appear to be wearing the pelts of small mammals.
Seriously? You won’t help me?” “Help yourself get killed? No, I won’t.
He was distracted by a giggle, and turned to see a rare sight: a girl.
We should call editorials what they are: columns written by committees.
The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.
Never have a dog. Let's not beat around the bush here: dogs are morons.
Of course God enjoys a good prank as much as the next infallible deity.
I read the whole Jack Reacher series by Lee Child. They don't take long.
Bad grammar is the leading cause of slow, painful death in North America.
By today's beauty standards, of course, Marilyn Monroe was an oil tanker.
Aside from Velcro, time is the most mysterious substance in the universe.
Greyhound Bus Lines motto: "We Stop For Some Damn Thing Every 200 Yards."
Another important rule of affair-having: Never be discreet at the office.
I would rather undergo a vasectomy via Weed Whacker than attend an opera.
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.
The porpoises said hello to Molly. She told them all her teeth were green.
As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.
Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.