Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
When you look like your passport photo, it's time to go home.
A child develops individuality long before he develops taste.
I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.
It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.
Why take pride in cooking, when they don't take pride in eating?
A grandmother pretends she doesn't know who you are on Halloween.
When you're an orthodox worrier, some days are worse than others.
If compliments were food, I'd have starved to death 28 years ago.
I originate from a family where sauce is viewed as a refreshment.
There would have been more 'I love you's' and more, 'I'm sorry's'.
It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line.
After age twelve, birthdays should be as private as hernia surgery.
I'm so bored. I went to the food locker yesterday to visit my meat.
Never underestimate what it takes to watch someone you love in pain.
Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
[On her father's death:] I didn't know his leaving would hurt so much.
Cats invented self-esteem; there is not an insecure bone in their body.
Some of the best fiction writers got their start writing airline menus.
Mother's words of wisdom: Answer me! Don't talk with food in your mouth!
Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.
Don't worry about who doesn't like you, who has more, or who's doing what.
The Rose Bowl is the only bowl I've ever seen that I didn't have to clean.
Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.
Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of the hill.
Crocodiles have a smile I've seen on the face of every lawyer I've ever met.
I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.
Pregnancy is the only time in a woman's life she can help God work a miracle.
With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.
Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn't even in the same neighborhood.
I convinced him his luggage had gone to that big Bermuda Triangle in the sky.
I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.
It's [motherhood] the biggest on-the-job- training program in existence today.
Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.
It is fast approaching the point where I don't want tAdenauer to want the job.
Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.
In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.
Phone are wonderful instruments, but I wouldn't want our daughter to marry one.
One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other.
I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.
I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, “Never mind! I'll do it myself.
If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
I have paid as much as $300 a night to throw up into a sink shaped like a seashell.
Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
When children reach the age of sixteen, they discover the meaning of life: car keys.