Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I love being in love. I don't think anything compares with it, though I consider it very disruptive.
Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
Breakfast cereals that come in the same colors as polyester leisure suits make oversleeping a virtue.
The Word Lady: Most Often Used to Describe Someone You Wouldn't Want to Talk to for Even Five Minutes.
Tolerance is really a better thing than understanding. Because it doesn't agitate against human nature.
When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough.
Designer clothes worn by children are like snowsuits worn by adults. Few can carry it off successfully.
When I saw a phone on a plane for the first time, I panicked ... I thought people were going to call me.
I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.
I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.
Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
I think humor is warmer, and wit is colder. Wit is judgment, whereas humor invites some sort of response.
Things that people will say to me, mostly, is that you shouldn't have all these books. It's too expensive.
I don't like the kind of country living where you have to help. I like country living where there is help.
I drank my lifetime supply of alcohol and I took my lifetime supply of drugs between the ages of 15 and 19.
American women think that clothes fit them if they can fit into them. But that's not at all what fit means.
I stopped taking drugs when I was 19, and who wants to drive a cab around New York with drugs in their car?
New Yorkers, we've seen Donald Trump for, like, 30 years; we know who he is. So he wasn't a surprise to me.
Large, naked, raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who live in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter.
Cheese that is required by law to append the word food to its title does not go well with red wine or fruit.
When you reach a certain age, suddenly there are lots of people younger than you, which is really startling.
The 3 questions of greatest concern are:, 1) Is it attractive?, 2) Is it amusing?, 3) Does it know its place?
Communists all seem to wear small caps, a look I consider better suited to tubes of toothpaste than to people.
The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.
As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.
In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
There are too many books. The books are terrible. And this is because you have been taught to have self-esteem.
Writing pornography is deadly, nothing duller. I mean a toll-taker has a more exciting life than a pornographer.
Violet will be a good color for hair at just about the same time that brunette becomes a good color for flowers.
if you live in New York and you have a guest room, you have guests. So I think it's best not to have a guest room.
If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract teach him to deduct.
The Italians are the most civilized people. And they're very warm. Basically, they're Jews with great architecture.
Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not have possibly met.
Magazines all too frequently lead to books and should be regarded by the prudent as the heavy petting of literature.
The good thing about being in someone else's apartment is it's so much easier to leave than it is to get someone out.
Did it ever occur to anyone that if you put nice libraries in public schools you wouldn't have to put them in prisons?
I've never seen the Kardashians; I'm not sure who they are. But I know a lot about them because it's impossible not to.
Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.
Commercials and sometimes other guests - it's the down side of TV. Other people - it's the downside of life in general.
I hate academic mysteries. As soon as I come across the word 'don' and it's not someone's first name, I close the book.
[Friendships] are easy to get out of compared to love affairs, but they are not easy to get out of compared to, say, jail.
Women who insist upon having the same options as men would do well to consider the option of being the strong, silent type
How do you know if your child is a writer? Your obstetrician holds his stethoscope to your abdomen and only hears excuses.
It's very important who the president of the United States is. America is a great idea, so that's why it's a great country.
Smoking is the great romance of my lifetime. If I could find someone I wanted forty-five times a day, perhaps I could stop.
I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood?
remember this: no matter how politely or distinctly you ask a Parisian a question he will persist in answering you in French.
Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
If I lived in another country, like a country that was, say, an enemy of the United States, I would be more amused than I am.
I am not... totally unreceptive to colour providing it makes its appearance quietly, deferentially, and without undue fanfare.