Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
It (Lewinskygate) has...compromised his moral authority
The judge is found guilty when a criminal is acquitted.
Angels we have heard on High Tell us to go out and Buy.
If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.
On second thought, I think I am more crazy than my goat.
You nickednamed my daughter after the Loch Ness Monster?
If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.
Nothing like watching your relatives fight, I always say.
San Francisco isn't what it used to be, and it never was.
If you're cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you see okay?
We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.
I despise the pleasure of pleasing people that I despise.
Oh no, the dead have risen and they're voting Republican.
If you have a secret, people will sit a little bit closer.
An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support.
Beer is a wholesome liquor.....it abounds with nourishment
Grant me some wild expressions, Heavens, or I shall burst.
A deaf husband and a blind wife are always a happy couple.
Sometimes you're the windshield; sometimes you're the bug.
I'm just trying to portray what I find ironic or humorous.
The metallic silver coating found on fast-food game cards.
I've always tried to explore the humorous aspects of life.
If ignorance is bliss, then knock the smile off my face...
For every book you buy, you should buy the time to read it.
Flattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.
Cinema should make you forget you are sitting in a theater.
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
The humorous writer professes to awaken and direct your love, your pity, your kindness--your scorn for untruth, pretension, imposture....He takes upon himself to be the week-day preacher.
There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income.
Do you mind if I don't smoke?
My heart is a bargain today. Will you take it?
I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy.
An art thief is a man who takes pictures.
They are cutting medicare
I don't even know what street Canada is on.
There's no sauce in the world like hunger.
Anything too stupid to be said is sung.
I can levitate birds. No one cares.
History is written by the victors.
He who hesitates is a damned fool.
I can't even get three weeks off to have cosmetic surgery.
I have read your book and much like it.
How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.
You're only as good as your last haircut.
I have a love interest in every one of my films: a gun.
The tongue offends and the ears get the cuffing
Communism is like one big phone company.
God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat.
