Quotes by Jon Richardson - Page 2

OCD is a really serious condition - it's a proper thing. It's not just, 'Oh, you like your pens to be straight'. For me, it would always go in tandem with being unhappy. The unhappier I was, the worse it got.
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Pens
Tandem
Unhappy
Always Your Me
Condition
Me Always Your
Proper
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If I had a choice, I would rather watch a comedian not involve themselves in politics at all but be hilarious than someone who doesn't really know what they're talking about getting on their soapbox and complaining.
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Hilarious
Comedian
Complaining
Soapbox
Choice
Politics Know Who
Involve
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I'm neurotic by nature, but I'm wary of becoming more of a play than a comic - you don't want people coming to see a man having a breakdown for two hours. I'd prefer them coming to hear my astute and witty observations.
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Astute
Becoming
Breakdown
Comic
Hours
Neurotic
Witty
Prefer
Observations
Wary
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The only big life challenge I think I'm worried about is a mid-life crisis because I've done so little. I think if people who've lived normal lives have mid-life crises and buy motorbikes, what is a man who's done nothing?
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Life Crisis
Mid Life Crisis
Worried
Life Man People
Crises
Mid-Life
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My personal opinion is that I don't ever do jokes that are about disability or cancer or what are seen as 'edgier' topics. I've been affected by those things myself, and I think that comedy should be a safe place for people.
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Disability
Topics
Safe Place
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My favourite pub game is, of course, snooker. Any game whose rules basically amount to finding a table covered in mess and slowly and methodically putting it all away out of sight is one with which I can empathise emphatically.
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Games
Sight
Tables
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If I watch 'The X Factor,' I know I'm never going to aspire to sing, so I don't mind if they're good or bad, but when I watch 'Bake Off,' because I aspire to be good at it, I find it easy to try and put myself in their position.
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Aspire
Good Myself Mind
Bake
Factor
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My wife's biggest fear is air pollution, living in London as we do. She's convinced that's the big problem. And my own is sink holes and the inevitability of us all, at some point, collapsing into a sink hole and never being seen again.
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Air
Air Pollution
Convinced
Holes
Inevitability
London
Pollution
Big Problem
Collapsing
Hole
Sink
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My mum's amazing. She's the person I admire most, I think, in her sacrifice to me and my sister and her level of emotional sacrifice to people around her. She takes a high level of personal responsibility for the welfare of people around her.
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Sister
Amazing
Admire
Emotional
High Level
Mum
Personal Responsibility
Responsibility
Sacrifice
Welfare
Most
Person
Around
High
Her
Level
She
Takes
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I cannot stand when you go to a wedding and get fed tiny portions. I want everyone to have a good feed on my wedding day, so I plan on having several types of sausage, mash, and gravy up for grabs. Every guest will have a Yorkshire pudding, too!
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Wedding
Gravy
Portions
Pudding
Sausage
Tiny
Yorkshire
Good Day Will
Feed
Fed
Guest
Mash
Types
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When you are single, you're invested in the world because you have to be, because that's all you've got. When you have a kid, it's not more or less; it's just a different way of worrying about the world. And worrying about the world after I'm dead.
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Invested
More Or Less
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If you love something, Let it go, If it comes back it's yours, That's how you know kno-o-ow Nonsense, Christina Aguilera! I say, 'If you love it, file it away under "Things I love". If it's required at a later date, you'll know exactly where it i-i-i-is.
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Let It Go
Nonsense
Things I Love
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A 'nidiot' is something different from an idiot. An idiot is someone whose problems are caused by not concentrating enough. A 'nidiot' is someone who makes his life more complicated by thinking too much rather than not enough. I'm not an idiot, but I'm definitely a 'nidiot'!
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Complicated
Concentrating
Idiot
Too Much
Caused
Definitely
Problems
Whose
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Early thirties for women is a very intense time. If you want kids, and you're not in a relationship, there's an urgency there, so they're forced to mature quicker. It's easy for a man in his thirties to be immature - you can have kids into your fifties, whereas women just can't.
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Intense
Mature
Urgency
Early Thirties
Fifties
Forced
Quicker
Thirties
Whereas
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I need to keep my ad-libbing skills honed and make sure I'm able to banter with people and treat topics a bit more light-heartedly. But as a stand-up, first and foremost, my job is to make sure that I can write the routine that hopefully people will talk about when something big happens.
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Routine
Topics
Foremost
Treat People Will
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There is simply too much to be done for us all to go round 'enjoying ourselves.' When the world is perfect, then we can all sit down and eat jelly beans, but for now the fact that things are going well for you just means that you are in a position to alleviate someone else's suffering for a while.
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Mean
Perfect
Suffering
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The last time I went back to a girl's house for an impromptu house party I spent most of the night straightening out rugs, putting down coasters and alphabetising DVDs while all around me people got off with whoever was closest and gradually headed off to various rooms to make more mess, no doubt.
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Girl
Night
Party
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I think anyone can bake, but I don't think I can bake well. I sort of feel like baking is just, like, chocolate and butter and sugar, and that is always nice, so I think anyone can bake, you can put those things together, and it will come out all right. The next level of that, I definitely can't do.
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Next Level
Sugar
Bake
Butter
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When you're single, you're not beholden to anyone, and you can shut down more easily. In the past, I had the idea that I'd live in a caravan with a dog near a pub with no responsibilities. But now, when bad things happen in the world, I feel responsible for them because they're going to impact on my daughter.
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Daughter
Bad Things
Dog
Impact
Things Happen
Beholden
Caravan
Easily
In The Past
Near
Pub
Responsibilities
Shut
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I am in no doubt that if you use the term 'luv' in a letter or text message then you are incapable of truly understanding the emotion. Artists have not pored over heartache and unrequited sentimentality for years so that our generation could decide that four letters is simply one too many to express how we feel.
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Artist
Our Generation
Years
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I have a lot of internalised tantrums. I secretly hope the worst and then I start planning my little speech for the beginning of it. Showers are the worst - all the time in the shower I'm planning the next time I'm going to lose it at someone, and then I never actually do. You're almost let down when people are nice.
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Nice
People
Tantrums
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Somewhat naively, I entered the BBC's 'New Talent Competition,' believing it was for people who had never tried comedy before. I remember sitting in the dressing room before the show and hearing the other acts - who all knew one another - talking to Rhod Gilbert about how he must be about ready to go 'full-time' as a comic.
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Comedy
Comic
Competition
Hearing
Ready
Sitting
Talent
Talking
Acts
Bbc
Believing
Somewhat
Dressing
Dressing Room
Entered
Full-Time
Gilbert
New One
Room
Tried
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I tend to wear a coat more for the fact that I worry if I'm going to get drunk, I'm going to get pickpocketed. And a coat goes over your pockets so it's harder for someone to get their hand in and steal your phone or wallet out of your pocket. It's an unnecessary level of thinking that may lessen the enjoyment you have out of life.
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Hands
Phones
Thinking
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My weirdness aside, if I am to find any friends, particularly a girlfriend, she will almost certainly have to be a human. My previous track record tends to suggest that of all species that exist on the planet, it has so far been exclusively humans to whom I find myself sexually attracted. This is a good thing legally if nothing else.
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Girlfriend
Records
Track
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I certainly tried to talk about less complex things, but I've had to accept that it's just not what I do. That isn't to say that my shows are depressing - they aren't. At least, I hope they aren't! The problem I have with stories about happy things is that they don't require any skill from a comic - they just repeat the details verbatim.
Jon Richardson / Comedian
Depressing
Happy Things
Repeat
Require
Skill
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Jon Richardson Quotes - Page 2

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