Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I love Denver.
Hosting is a thankless job.
I listen to 'deep dish house'.
I have perfectly symmetrical ankles.
I'm the easiest person to make fun of.
J. P. Morgan. He was kind of a douche.
I drink a fair amount of ramen noodles.
Life is hard. Not great. Kind of tragic.
Work harder than anyone else around you.
Always farm fresh eggs, never store bought.
I'm having a difficult time killing my parents
Is it possible to have negative self-awareness?
Steve Martin's comedy albums are so ridiculous.
Fame is very isolating. It changes your reality.
I find Denver's hipster scene to be fully unique.
I think it is very important to be a method actor.
Russell Brand is lovely, even though he's a weirdo.
GOOD THINGS DO COME IN BEARS!!.... is how I climax.
Every time I could possibly be doing stand up, I am.
To become the best comedian, I must be well-rounded.
Keep your elbows soft. Keep your elbows looking fine.
My face is oblong. But the best grooming is confidence.
Listen to my voice - I sound like I'm permanently congested.
If there is one thing that makes me unique, it's that I riff a lot.
I can't stand Snapchat, but that will be extinct before it is relevant.
I don't sit and write stand-up material; I come up with an idea onstage.
If you want to be a stand-up comedian or an artist, you move to New York.
When it's all you, you can't blame a bear. You gotta bear the burden yourself.
Effective satire has to be almost identical to the subject that it is skewering.
I like hip-hop, but I don't like concerts. There's like sweat, on people's backs.
I like hip-hop, but I don't like concerts. There's, like, sweat on people's backs.
I don't prepare for anything very well. I am not a good actor. I don't read scripts.
We're not a nation divided: we're a nation broken, and anything broken can be fixed.
Comedy gives you a shot of euphoria that distracts you from everything that's awful.
I am trying to do comedy on every single medium. I consider myself a public servant.
If I can make someone laugh, I lift them out of their fundamentally tragic existence.
It is good to connect to someone who reminds you that you have some real authenticity.
I do believe that in the future there will be a movie called 'Deadpool vs. Wolverine'.
If you're a psychologist, you can instrumentally change peoples' lives for the better.
To be honest, I would never have imagined myself acting on a sitcom that I didn't write.
I don't know how much the economy has changed since Jonathan Swift's 'A Modest Proposal.'
I'm a Nietzschean scholar. I've read an immense amount about nihilism and existentialism.
I'm interested in morality and mortality, and 'Deadpool' kind of has all of these themes.
Everybody asks me what it was like to be in my underwear for my network television debut.
I sound like a chain-smoking drag queen after a hard night of singing 'Tie a Yellow Ribbon'.
I do comedy to give people an ephemeral escape from the tragedy that permeates everyday life.
I'm a stand-up. I'm never worried about getting my next role. That's never distressing to me.
Yogi Bear changed my life in ways that I can't explain because it's not a full feature on me.
It's always fun to agree to be in a movie when you have no idea what it's actually going to be!
I think by now if people hire me, they know I'm going to improvise. I'm an improviser by trade.