Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I'm so glad Courtney Love is here; I left my crack in my other purse.
I used to be Irish Catholic. Now I'm an American - you know, you grow.
If criticism had any power to harm, the skunk would be extinct by now.
My headshot is a scratch and sniff, it smells like failure and onions.
What a man needs in gardening is a cast-iron back, with a hinge in it.
Americans will put up with anything provided it doesn't block traffic.
It's a small town, it has only a few docks ... now they are in a trap.
Robin Williams learned technique. He has the technique of being funny.
For the record, I hate skiing... and if you get killed doing it, GOOD.
You're about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Be careful not to do your good deeds when there's no one watching you.
Always remember the last words of my grandfather, who said: 'A truck!'
A Chihuahua. They're good. If you lose one, just empty out your purse.
Germans respond well to lies. At least, they always have historically.
The problem with the future is that it keeps turning into the present.
I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Avoid all needle drugs, the only dope worth shooting is Richard Nixon.
Ed, I see you're out drinking again. What's the occasion? I was sober.
Never trust a man with short legs. His brains are too near his bottom.
If I had a bookstore I would make all the mystery novels hard to find.
I am happy to know that my husband regards me as a woman and a person.
I never say what I mean, but I always manage to say something similar.
If one synchronised swimmer drowns, do all the rest have to drown too?
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
You ain't going nowhere, son. You ought to go back to driving a truck.
The margin of error in astrology is plus or minus one hundred percent.
The cost of living is going up and the chance of living is going down.
On the outskirts of every agony sits some observant fellow who points.
Sometimes I get really lonely. Especially when I'm throwing a Frisbee.
No real gentleman will tell the naked truth in the presence of ladies.
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Two hours of sparkling entertainment spread out over a four-hour show.
But I think you can make fun of anything as long as it's funny enough.
The key to success is not through achievement, but through enthusiasm.
If I could get my membership fee back, I'd resign from the human race.
I'm in favour of drug tests, just so long as they are multiple choice.
Science may be described as the art of systematic over-simplification.
Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
You can build a throne with bayonets, but it's difficult to sit on it.
British people would die for their right to drink themselves to death.
With the history of us, a book wouldn't necessarily be the best thing.
One accusation you can't throw at me is that I've always done my best.
I know at last what distinguishes man from animals; financial worries.
And the mile once again becomes the focal point where it's always been
You'll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.
I am always ready to learn although I do not always like being taught.
A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.