Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
I've spent the past two years looking for my ex-girlfriend’s killer… but no one will do it.
Always have a sense of humor about life - you'll need it - but always be courteous to boot.
If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free.
This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.
We need the children of Indonesia and the Philippines to manufacture our freedom of choice.
Doing is better than not doing, and if you do something badly you'll learn to do it better.
If you're considered a beauty, it's hard to be accepted doing anything but standing around.
I believe you should place a woman on a pedestal: high enough so you can look up her dress.
All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names.
I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn't enough.
As I would not be a slave, so I would not be a master. This expresses my idea of democracy.
There is always some frivolity in excellent minds; they have wings to rise, but also stray.
As young Americans, you have an important responsibility, which is to become good citizens.
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart.
Boxers don't have sex before a fight. Do you know why that is? They don't fancy each other.
Inconceivable!" "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
I watch a lot of TV, I drink a lot of coffee, but you know what's really addictive? Heroin.
Like a welcome summer rain, humor may suddenly cleanse and cool the earth, the air and you.
Oh, when I was a kid in show business I was poor. I used to go to orgies to eat the grapes.
Take all the fools out of this world and there wouldn't be any fun living in it, or profit.
What's the name of the birth defect you have, trampled by a horse during the 2nd trimester?
Community college is like a disco with books: "Here's ten dollars; let me get my learn on!"
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
We are, in the comics, the last frontier of good, wholesome family humor and entertainment.
Do not make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans or they will treat you like dogs.
Eggs! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance!
I'm a vegetarian, I'm not strict. I eat fish. And duck, but they're nearly fish aren't they.
Great things are not accomplished by those who yield to trends and fads and popular opinion.
It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'.
I don't have kids. That's why I leave it in the dumper or in the mouth, because I hate kids.
Dali had a good sense of humor - obviously you could tell just looking at him; he was funny.
Goth Juice... The most powerful hairspray known to man. Made from the tears of Robert Smith.
I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing 'Happy Birthday.'
It doesn't take many people to have a bad sense of humor to get in trouble at a corporation.
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
The sun got confused about daylight savings time. It rose twice. Everything had two shadows.
It is a curious fact that people are never so trivial as when they take themselves seriously
Russian humor is to adapt or make some sense or nonsense out of the insanity of their lives.
I know her in the biblical senseand when I say that, I mean I don't believe a word she says.
If you get a diagnosis, get on a therapy, keep a good attitude and keep your sense of humor.
Everybody's trying to leave their mark on the world. That's why there's graffiti and babies.
Life is tough; and if you have the ability to laugh at it, you have the ability to enjoy it.
So long as you have courage and a sense of humor, it is never too late to start life afresh.
How come you don't ever hear about gruntled employees? And who has been dis-ing them anyhow?
Percy wouldn't notice a joke if it danced naked in front of him wearing one of Dobby's hats.
I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.
A reasonable amount of fleas is good for a dog; it keeps him from brooding over being a dog.
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
All men should strive to learn before they die, what they are running from, and to, and why.
Sometimes you have to be lucky, but I always say that to be lucky, you have to fight for it.