Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
This is a free country, madam. We have a right to share your privacy in a public place.
You know you're a hot mess when the only person buying you drinks all night is yourself.
I think they should make Twilight closets and all the cast members can walk out of them.
The curtain rises on a vast primitive wasteland, not unlike certain parts of New jersey.
I think anybody who doesn't think I'm smart enough to handle the job is underestimating.
It's interesting because people assume that because I'm famous I know all famous people.
I have a rare form of body dysmorphia in which I absolutely can't stand how good I look.
Cavities are made by sugar. So if you need to dig a hole, then lay down some candy bars!
I actually wrestled in high school. I was only in one match, and I lost... my virginity.
Denzel Washington has a great sense of humor. He did all those 'Nutty Professor' movies.
A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe.
Humor does not rescue us from unhappiness, but enables us to move back from it a little.
Have you heard about the Irishman who reversed into a car boot sale and sold the engine?
The British civil service ... is a beautifully designed and effective braking mechanism.
Even if it doesn't work, there is something healthy and invigorating about direct action
If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
The difficulty is not so great to die for a friend, as to find a friend worth dying for.
To give law enforcement the additional tools it needs to track down terror here at home.
Some men are like musical glasses; to produce their finest tones you must keep them wet.
My father could be very witty, even if the humor was always on the darker side of irony.
I think it's critical, a sense of humor. It did help me - it does help me, continuously.
Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.
I consider myself to have a decent sense of humor. What's life without a sense of humor?
There's not going to be enough people in the system to take advantage of people like me.
The service at this airport restaurant is so bad I'm starting to panic that I'm a ghost.
I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house.
Black holes. I don't know what people see in them. Exit signs? They're on their way out.
Lots of women are getting involved. They're not satisfied just being passengers anymore.
I think superheroes are heroes with flaws, and in their flaws, there is a sense of humor.
A copy of the universe is not what is required of art; one of the damned things is ample.
2-in-1 is a stupid term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created.
I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn’t doing what I was doing.
An Irishman's wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.
I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I am good at everything.
I hang out with the 'nerdy' people - they have a different sense of humor than most kids.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with telling the truth. I know it isn’t fashionable.
Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot, but look at him now! Alcoholic and a racist!
The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.
Where I come from, they won't let me play with this rope. They think I might hurt myself.
Even people that I agree with can do something that would be a target for a bit of humor.
I got arrested for playing chess in the street. I said, it's because I'm black, isn't it.
Is she crazy, like it says on her bracelet, or is she just looking at my sheets? I dunno!
I'm really worried about my girlfriend's morals ... she has NEXT written on her knickers.
To me, in life, if you have a sense of humor about it, that's how you deal with anything.
Nothing reveals a man's character better than the kind of joke at which he takes offense.
A jump lead walks into a bar. The barman says "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
I dreamt I was forced to eat 25lb of marshmallows. When I woke up, my pillow was missing.
I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling... the rest I spend foolishly.
Humor can be an incredible lacerating and effective weapon. And that is the way I use it.
It had to be hammered home quite a bit because I didn't see any humour in my life at all.