Quotes by Bruce Vilanch - Page 1

I do a lot of screen re-writing.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Screens
Writing
Lot
Screen
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I've got more chins than a San Francisco phonebook.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
San Francisco
Francisco
San
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It's really live television, the way God meant it to be.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Live Television
Meant
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What makes me laugh? Richard Nixon always made me laugh.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Laughing
Made
Make Me Laugh
Me Laugh Always
Nixon
Richard Nixon
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I think I intimidate hecklers because I weigh more than most of them.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Intimidate
Weigh
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Of course I adored and wanted to be Catwoman. That goes without saying.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Adored
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Eddie Izzard is absolutely brilliant. I would love to write something for him.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Brilliant
Writing
Eddie
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I've written about 15 screenplays and they all sold - they were all sold on pitches.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Screenplays
Written
Pitches
Sold
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To be gay and out of shape is almost as much of a stigma as just being gay used to be.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Gay
Just Being
Shapes
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Musicals have clearly gotten more physical. You never saw Ethel Merman doing step aerobics.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Aerobic
Clearly
Gotten
Musicals
Physical
Step
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Who knew we had all this O.C.D. in the world? Well actually, I suppose it's pretty obvious. It explains Sudoku, doesn't it?
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Obvious
Explains
Suppose
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I write screenplays that don't get made and pilots that don't get picked up, and I re-write other people's movies, and those are all different kinds of fees.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Movie
Different
Different Kinds
Fees
People
Pilots
Screenplays
Writing
Picked
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It's the biggest party in the world, and you have to keep the whole thing percolating, which is difficult because a lot of awards most people don't care about.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Awards
Don't Care
Party
People
World Keep People
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I mean, I've sold all these scripts and nothing's been made. Studios have closed, stars have died. I had a director find Jesus. And the pictures just don't get made.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Jesus
Died
Mean
Scripts
Stars
Studios
Closed
Pictures
Sold
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They make a humongous profit, but the people that work on the shows don't get paid a lot because they're working on the Oscars show. It's the biggest show in the world.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Oscars
Paid
People
Profit
World
Work World People
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I've learned that most of gay America is coupled up, or looking to be. No wonder gay marriage has such traction. So many of us are already in it, so of course we want the legal benefits.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Legal
Benefits
Gay Marriage
Coupled
Marriage Legal Gay
No Wonder
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I mean, when I started out I was billing per hour, like a shrink because you would sit with somebody and work. But most of it, if it's for a live show it's usually a buy-out. A flat fee.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Billing
Fees
Hours
Mean
Fee
Hour
Per
Shrink
Copy Quote
For years, I was compared to Wookiees, especially after I did the 'Star Wars Holiday Special.' I have some photos of me with a few of the Wookiees on the set, and it's hard to tell us apart.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Holiday
Apart
Star
Wars
Photos
Star Wars
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I have one rave New York Times review framed next to a flop Los Angeles Times review. And it's for the same show. These people watched the same show. That's what happens. They love it, they hate it.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
New York
Hate
People
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I like that we don't have to come out the first 10 minutes and score, you know, with joke, joke, joke. We can open it in a more novel way and keep playing different pranks as we go through the thing.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Different
Firsts
Way
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I have one rave 'New York Times' review framed next to a flop 'Los Angeles Times' review. And it's for the same show. These people watched the same show. That's what happens. They love it, they hate it.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Framed
Los Angeles
New York Times
Rave
Love Hate People
Angeles
Watched
Flop
Los
Review
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Generally with the Oscars or the Emmys there isn't much you can do until the nominations are announced. Then you know what kind of year you're dealing with - what's been overlooked, what the issues are.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Emmys
Issues
Oscars
Overlooked
Years
Announced
Dealing
Generally
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My assistant says I'm an eBay auction waiting to happen. I have a very large collection of T-shirts... about 4,000 now. Maybe I'll pillage it someday. I have resisted the offers to do a line of T-shirts.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Ebay
Offers
Someday
Waiting
Collection
Assistant
Auction
Large
Line
Resisted
Says
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My skirt fell off on stage during a performance of Hairspray on Broadway, revealing my fat suit over my own natural fat suit. I turned to the audience and said, 'Now you know why I spent six years in a square.'
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Broadway
Hairspray
Revealing
Fat
Skirt
Square
Suit
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As I'm always fond of telling hosts at the Oscars who are doing it for their first time, for everybody who wins, there are four people who don't. As the evening wears on, the room fills up with losers, and then they are bitter.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Bitter
Evening
Oscars
Time Always People
Losers
Fills
Fond
Hosts
Wears
Wins
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Every single line on the Oscar show is negotiated. Unless you've been there, you have no idea how it is put together. It's like nothing else on earth. I'm writing a book about it, but I have to throw in my sexual escapades to make sure it sells.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
No Idea
Sells
Sexual
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The Oscars are about the dynamics of that moment, of that season. It reflects what's been going on in the world every year through the movies. And a lot of times, what's popular at the movies is popular because of what's going on in the world at that moment.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Dynamics
Oscars
Reflects
Season
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I think probably the best example was the year Jack Palance dropped down and gave us push-ups when he accepted his award for supporting actor. Then we got to throw away a lot of the script because we just did Jack Palance jokes, because it was just too delicious, watching this old man carry on like that.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Men
Awards
Thinking
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I mean, people who watch Jon Stewart's show every night don't think he went far enough, because he couldn't do what he does on his show every night, because it's a different job. The same thing with Chris Rock. He can't come out and do a tossed-salad routine, the way he does on his HBO shows, because this is the Academy Awards.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Jobs
Mean
Night
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You know, you have to do homework. You listen to who they are, what they do. I also compare it to designing clothes for people. If somebody brings in Tilda Swinton, you're not going to give her the same dress you'd give Gabourey Sidibe. Everybody looks different in a different line, a different color. The same thing with the way people speak.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Clothes
Color
People
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When AIDS hit, lots of people banded together to take care of each other and do what the government wasn't doing. When you grow up Jewish, as I have, you learn that everybody hates you, no one's going to help you, and you have to take care of yourself. That's a great maxim to the gay community, and we took it to heart; we took care of our own.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Aids
Gay Community
Take Care
Jewish
Grow Up
Hates
Maxim
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I mean, if they're doing a television show every night like Jon Stewart, or Ellen, or David Letterman, then they have their bunch of people who are sitting on a payroll someplace, who are coming up with material every day of the week. Those are the people who wind up doing the bulk of the work for them when they host the thing, because that's their team.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Mean
Night
Team
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Now what's important is that they have an attitude. Everybody has a look, but not everybody has cultivated what their stage persona is. And so when you're dealing with actors, it just makes it more difficult, because you have to help them come up with one. You know, Johnny Depp has no Johnny Depp character when he's onstage. You haven't seen An Evening With Johnny Depp at Carnegie Hall.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Attitude
Character
Important
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We're shaking up a format, which I think is always a good thing. The thing about [2011 Oscar hosts] James [Franco] and Anne [Hathaway] is, they've both hosted Saturday Night Live, and they both did a good job at it. So they are accustomed to working with short rehearsal time, and live, lots of pressure, rewrites, things like that. They can make quick changes, which is very advantageous, and they're skilled comedians.
Bruce Vilanch / Writer
Jobs
Night
Thinking
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Bruce Vilanch Quotes - Page 1

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