Quotes by Roseanne Barr - Page 5

Whatever helps you sleep is my opinion on the subject, and that's what I like about the western world's most popular religion, it has helped put so many people to sleep, although most of them permanently and without their approval.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
People
Sleep
World
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A lot of people who are actors and artists who work in Hollywood come from a background of abuse, and you can make abused people very fearful and they'll do what they're told. Hollywood definitely has a point of view that it sells.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Artist
People
Views
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Facts and data, rather than opinion, are the two cornerstones of problem solving, and yet they are consistently withheld from the people by American media. We must have facts and data in order to recognize where there is a problem!
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Consistently
Data
Media
Opinion
Order
Recognize
Solving
Withheld
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Ever since I was a girl, I have written about one to five pages every day - on napkins, on scrap paper, in notebooks and tablets, on the walls in my room as a teenager, and in orange paint on the cheap white plastic blinds in my room.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Girl
Notebook
Orange
Pages
Paint
Plastic
Scrap
Tablets
Teenager
Wall
Blinds
Cheap
Notebooks
Walls
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Eat as much as you'd like. My philosophy has always been that all women desire to be as fat as myself but just have a great fear of doing so. Because they think they won't get any men, but you will. You'll get more men, and better men.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Food
Philosophy
Thinking
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I try to do women's-point-of-view comedy. The joke is, 'This is what I think; there's the truth.' I try to think of stuff that's real broad, but the more personal it is, the more universal it is. All my friends go through the same stuff.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Comedy
Real
Thinking
Views
All My Friends
Broad
Personal
Same Stuff
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Legalize hemp and allow women to grow it and make food, clothing and housing for pennies from it and legalize marijuana too. Let women integrate their divided consciousness with a natural herb instead of doctors' pills that kill the liver.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Women
Doctors
Marijuana
Medicine
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A guy is a lump like a doughnut. So, first you gotta get rid of all the stuff his mom did to him. And then you gotta get rid of all that macho crap that they pick up from beer commercials. And then there's my personal favorite, the male ego.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Mom
Beer
Crap
Doughnut
Ego
Guy
Macho
Mother
Stuff
Then
Male
Did
Favorite
Commercials
First
Gotta
Him
His
Lump
Personal
Pick
Rid
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I simply care nothing for any of your religions, as all three are fundamentally flawed, unlike the Church of Common Sense, right from the start! They call God he instead of she and all three would like to burn me at the stake for saying that!
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Church
Common Sense
Three
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Judaism is one of the last of the world's matrilineal philosophies. Matriarchies are always the cultures that patriarchy attacks and decimates, because they don't spend all their money on the military like patriarchy does. They are easy prey.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Judaism
Lasts
Military
Patriarchy
Philosophy
Prey
Money Always World
Attacks
Cultures
Philosophies
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It's a big culture of mind control too, MK-Ultra mind control rules in Hollywood. If you don't know that, google it and look into it. It's really hard for artists to find their voice in the media. It's levels of brainwashing and mind control.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Artist
Media
Voice
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My dad taught me swears when I was a toddler, and I saw, at a really early age, that if I shocked people, I would get approval, and it made my arms itch with glee. I got addicted to it. It became this source of power in a totally powerless life.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Age
Dad
People
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I'm tired of watching as men destroy all the world. Everything used to be beautiful when women were in charge, and now I, working as the physical manifestation of the goddess Isis and the reincarnation of Cleopatra, have decided to save the world.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Decided
Goddess
Manifestation
Reincarnation
Save The World
Tired
Men Women Beautiful
All The World
Charge
Destroy
Women Men Beautiful
Physical
Save
Watching
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I have a huge crush on President George W. Bush. I saw him at a recent fundraiser, and he`s a babe. He`s got that Ronald Reagan charm. I think he`s hot. I respect his wife, but if he wasn`t married I`d be putting on my cowboy boots and coming around.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Cowboy
Crush
Thinking
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In the new world every position of power evacuated by an arrested and beheaded pedophile or bankster will be filled with a grandmother who has pledged to create heaven on earth for all children, animal and humans with the stolen money we have recovered.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Animal
Children
Grandmother
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Women of this planet need some essential resources: wells, seeds and roads. That is primarily all we have ever needed. Added to that, women need righteous and strong men who will help us to use our most cherished gifts: the ability to multitask and problem solve.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Men
Essentials
Needed
Resources
Righteous
Seeds
Solve
Strong
Men Women Will
Added
Cherished
Essential
Gifts
Women Men Help
Multitask
Planet
Primarily
Strong Men
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The only options open for girls then were of course mother, secretary or teacher. At least that's what we all thought and were preparing ourselves for. Now, I must say how lucky we are, as women, to live in an age where 'Dental Hygienist' has been added to the list.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Girl
Teacher
Mother
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Oh, hi. I been married thirteen years, and lemme tell you, it's a thrill to be out of the house. I never get out of the house. I stay home all the time. I never do anything fun 'cause I'm a housewife. I hate the word "housewife." I prefer to be called "domestic goddess.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Marriage
Fun
Hate
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my parents ... had decided early on that all of the problems in my family had somehow to do with me. All roads led to Roseyville, a messy, chaotic town where, as parents, they were required to visit, but could never get out of quick enough or find a decent parking place.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Blame
Parent
Towns
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Hillary Clinton and Barack Hussein Obama cannot win, and they are put in place to assure a victory by Mitt Romney... this is the plan of all the insurance companies that are owned by Mormon interests. It is unfolding as the Mormon Church planned over the last fifty years.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Stupid
Winning
Years
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Everyone in America (according to my generalizations) is a potential millionaire waiting for his or her big break. I was astonished lately to realize that Americans are definitely believing in and planning for the future, despite the fact that they elected Ronald Reagan twice.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
America
Believe
Waiting
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This bugs me the worst. That's when the husband thinks that the wife knows where everything is, huh? Like they think the uterus is a tracking device. He comes in: "Hey, Roseanne! Roseanne! Do we have any Cheetos left?" Like he can't go over and lift up the sofa cushion himself.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Husband
Thinking
Wife
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Any Hamas or Zionist type who tries to interfere with the labor unions and grab the money will be marched to the guillotines and subsequently beheaded. And isn't that easier and more productive than some endless, bloody conflict? So sayeth the gospel of common sense. Happy Mother's Day.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Common Sense
Mother
Trying
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I had - after I sang the 'Star Spangled Banner' so badly, after my tragic singing accident, after that, you know, all my stuff kind of, like, really got even more full blown and, you know, I got stage fright and, you know, I couldn't do stand-up anymore and let alone sing and all the other things.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Alone
Banner
Fright
Singing
Stage
Stage Fright
Stars
Stuff
Tragic
Accident
Anymore
Badly
Blown
Star
Full
Sang
Sing
Spangled
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Growing up in a Jewish matriarchal world inside the patriarchal paradise of Salt Lake City, Utah, gave me increased perspective on gender issues, as it also did my gay brother and my lesbian sister. Our younger sister is the perfect Jewish-American wife and mother, and is fiercely proud of that fact.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Sister
Brother
Gender
Growing Up
Mother
Paradise
Perspective
Proud
Salt
Salt Lake City
Utah
Younger Sister
Inside
Jewish
Younger
City
World Me Wife
Fact
Wife World Me
Fiercely
Gave
Increased
Lake
Lesbian
Patriarchal
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I always felt that it was easier to take a funny person and teach them to write television than to take somebody who was a television writer and make them funny. And I discovered a lot of great writers that went on to do a lot of great shows like 'Seinfeld,' 'Friends,' you know, 'Three and a Half Men.'
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Discovered
Funny Person
Seinfeld
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We had no religion at all, but we were Jews in New Hampshire, and my sister - who is now a rabbi - said it best: We were, like, the only Jews in Bedford, New Hampshire, as well as the only Democrats, so we just kind of associated those two things together. My dad raised us to believe that paying taxes is an honor.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Dad
Believe
Two
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Humanity is a failed experiment, but I think I'm God and I'd like to start over. I don't want to die, I just want everyone else to. I certainly would not be lonely. It would be exciting never having to listen to another person again but just my own self droning on and on. That's why I write a blog. And I read it, too.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Humanity
Lonely
My Own
Thinking
Writing
Die
Again
Blog
Certainly
Read
Failed
Everyone Else
Experiment
Start
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I say I'm the only serious comedian in the presidential race. And I'd like to take this opportunity to ask both Romney and Obama to debate me. Because I think that both of those guys - I think that the American people are being given a false choice, because the choice between the lesser of two evils is a false choice.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Opportunity
Comedian
Debate
Given
Presidential
Race
Romney
Serious
Thinking
Ask
Obama
Opportunity Me People
American People
Choice
Evils
False
Guys
Lesser
Presidential Race
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I actually regard Facebook as a huge bore, but I cannot refrain from participating in it. I guess I crave the feeling of hope it gives me to think that today will be different from yesterday, that I will find an interesting comment or poke or video, and on the extremely rare occasion when that happens, I am just thrilled.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Comment
Crave
Giving
Participating
Poke
Refrain
Regard
Thinking
Video
Yesterday
Be Different
Bore
Rare
Extremely
Facebook
Occasion
Thrilled
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As the books got more and more Zionist and less and less socialist, my entire generation, at least a large percentage of it, simply left Judaism. We became Buddhist and Hindu and atheist or agnostic, all of which (except Christian) were more in keeping with peaceful self-transformative ideas that did not bow down to militarism.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Atheist
Buddhist
Christian
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I first would allow the guilty bankers to pay, you know, the ability to pay back anything over $100 million [of] personal wealth because I believe in a maximum wage of $100 million. And if they are unable to live on that amount of that amount then they should, you know, go to the reeducation camps and if that doesn't help, then being beheaded.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Bankers
Believe
Pay
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I had left home (like all Jewish girls) in order to eat pork and take birth control pills. When I first shared an intimate evening with my husband, I was swept away by the passion (so dormant inside myself) of a long and tortured existence. The physical cravings I had tried so hard to deny, finally and ultimately sated ... But enough about the pork.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Girl
Husband
Passion
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When I was three, I fell and I got Bell's palsy in my face. My mom said the first day she called the rabbi, and he said a prayer for me but nothing happened. The second day she called the Mormons, and they said a prayer for me and my face was healed, so my whole life was going around as a Jew who was giving talks in Mormon churches about being healed by the Mormons.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Mom
Giving
Prayer
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I used to play Barbies with my Mormon neighbor friend; it was always, "Oh, we're going to go on a date. Ken's taking us out, and we're going with Ken on a date." And I was like, "We're parachuting behind enemy lines to save the Jews." That's how I played Barbies. I was told when I was a girl that every Jewish woman has to have five children to replace three fifths of our people that were killed. That's how I was raised.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Girl
Children
Play
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Part of my platform is, of course, the guilty must be punished and that we no longer let our children see their guilty leaders getting away with murder. Because it teaches children, you know, that they don’t have to have any morals as long as they have guns and are bullies and I don’t think that's a good message. . . . I do say that I am in favor of the return of the guillotine and that is for the worst of the worst of the guilty.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Children
Gun
Thinking
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Those who can't do, teach. And, as Woody Allen says, those who can't teach, teach gym. And, as I say, those who can't teach gym become experts. That's who we look to for answers these days-the people telling you how to make your marriage work. Men telling women how to raise their self-esteem. The only thing that cures everything is talking to people who have the same problem you do. The rest is just a moneymaking bullshit scheme that some asshole is getting rich on.
Roseanne Barr / Actress
Men
Self Esteem
Talking
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Roseanne Barr Quotes - Page 5

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