Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
During the Great Depression, when people laughed their worries disappeared. Audiences loved these funny men. I decided to become one.
It's funny, as a little kid, you look up to those guys who you play as in 'Madden,' and now to see myself in the game, it's an honor.
Cooking? Oh we were great, you'd take anything and melt cheese on it, and the one who could guess what it was didn't have to wash up!
Rock and roll is catching on all over . . . France . . . England . . . They even have it in Japan, only over there they call it judo.
When I graduated from Santa Monica High in 1927, I was voted the girl most likely to succeed. I didn't realize it would take so long.
Suicide, is a persons privilege. I don't believe it's a sin or a crime it's your right if you do. Though it doesn't get you anywhere.
My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?
I disagree with a lot of those changes, however at the end of the day - I go down to recruit graduation at least once or twice a year.
Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
As it's your 40th birthday This, we'd like to say May you be bathed in goodness, happiness and sunshineness On this, your special day.
Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.
Happiness is sitting down to watch some slides of your neighbor's vacation and finding out that he spent two weeks in a nudist colony.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
It's funny how the hippies and the punks tried to get rid of the conservatives, but they always seem to get the upper hand in the end.
Being a black woman, there's so many different sides of us. We are funny, silly, romantic, professional, smart, and we have good jobs.
One key lesson of history is that virtually anything, including afternoon or evening thundershowers, causes Germany to invade Belgium.
As the funny guy, the funny frat bro, any time I try out for that role, I get it. Like, I walk in and they're like, 'Yeah, you're it.'
That's the beauty of our show. Comedy or politics. We're sort of a mix. A space age polymer of both. A synthetic comedy-like material.
Spain travel tip: If bathroom genders are indicated by flamingos, the boy flamingo is the one with a hat. I learned this the hard way.
So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'
That's why they're man's best friend. 'Cause guys want buddies that are dumber than they are. So do women, but they've already got men
There is a time early in life when there seem to be countless reasons for happiness, and then you discover your mom is making them up.
It makes me mad to hear these popular orchestras make a jammed-up comedy of a song like 'Wreck on the Highway.' It ain't a funny song.
A recent study announced that 52 per cent of all teens who sign virginity pledges recant them within twelve months. If I'm on my game.
Do you think George Bush actually knows who Gordon Brown is? He probably just thinks Tony Blair's put on weight and had a mild stroke.
The funny thing about nationalism is that there are two sides to it. Some parts of it are beautiful, but there's an ugly side as well.
And if it all falls apart, I will know deep in my heart, the only dream that mattered had come true. In this life, I was loved by you.
I don't know if you've ever fallen asleep whilst eating a plate of cauliflower, and then woken up, and thought you were in the clouds.
We need to remember what's important in life: friends, waffles, work. Or waffles, friends, work, it doesn't matter. But work is third.
The Dodo never had a chance. He seems to have been invented for the sole purpose of becoming extinct and that was all he was good for.
It's funny how social activists usually protest against the only things that have a credible chance of achieving the activists' goals.
Life is like the stock market. Some days you're up. Some days you're down. And some days you feel like something the bull left behind.
If the Japanese want to be taken seriously as world financial powers, they'd better quit using the same tailor as variety show chimps.
Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
You have to master not only the art of listening to your head, you must also master listening to your heart and listening to your gut.
Everything went smoothly at the sailing events today, except for the British team. They forgot to bring limes and they all got scurvy.
On the seemingly one-sided relationship between Michael Jordan and his shoe sponsors Nike- The company should change its name to Mike.
I tend to head for what's amusing because a lot of things aren't happy. But usually you can find a funny side to practically anything.
Adulthood feels like walking around in the desert with a bag over your head, being bumped into by people who rob you as they bore you.
I spend money with reckless abandon. Last month I blew $5000 at a reincarnation. I got to thinking, what the hell, you only live once!
If you wagered $5,000 on each of my winning NFL picks in 2012 and $500 ($550) on each of my losing picks, you'd be ahead $70,050. Wow.
Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately? I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.
What's the two things they tell you are healthiest to eat? Chicken and fish. You know what you should do? Combine them, eat a penguin.
Then Job fell to his knees and cried to the Lord, "Thine is the kingdom and the power and glory. Thou hast a good job. Don't blow it."
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.'
We were told four years ago that 17 million people went to bed hungry each night. Well that was probably true. They were all on a diet.
Bruce Sutter has been around for awhile and he's pretty old. He's thirty-five years old. That will give you some idea of how old he is.
My advice to those who are about to begin, in earnest, the journey of life, is to take their heart in one hand and a club in the other.
The Governor has no presidential aspirations. In fact he just made a tour of 43 states just to tell them he's not running for anything.
I can't help thinking the failed New York bomber would've done far more damage if he'd simply driven throught Times Square in a Toyota.