Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Only way you can you get upset is when you expecting something.
When I go onstage, I want to relieve your mind, your pressures.
Humor is so important to the American scene throughout history.
That's why cocaine is illegal - it makes pussy too easy to get.
I want a woman who can arouse my intellect as well as my loins.
Nobody likes a bad sport, no matter what the circumstances are.
Martial arts are a vehicle for developing your human potential.
My son has been a class clown and it sort of ran in the family.
Regis and I were inducted into the original Bronx Walk of Fame.
Star Wars Episode Three (And One Quarter): Revenge Of The Hicks
I would have changed my last name if being famous were my goal.
My comedy comes from pain. I can't stand to see someone hurting.
I'm always doing comedy and will never hit up a 9-to-5 desk job.
As an actor, it's amazing to get to create different characters.
Love is such an arbitrary thing. I love my mom. I love pancakes.
As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog.
Bored with the same type of misery over and over and over again.
I mean, I feel like you can kill the same bird with both stones.
Charlie Sheen is to stand-up what Larry Flynt is to standing up.
Live your life like you're the hero in your movie and right now.
You know that show 'Teen Mom'? Or if you're from the South, 'Mom.
Why do people love Richard Pryor so much? 'Cause he had problems.
The acting is better when you know your material is being judged.
No matter what hyenas sound like, they are not actually laughing.
I'm trying to build a brand. I'm not just doing one-off projects.
Religious tolerance. No! Zero tolerance for any type of religion.
Often the thought of pain is actually worse that the pain itself.
The good thing about a jail show is nobody gets up and walks out.
I love Cincinnati, but you can keep that spaghetti chili product!
I used to write things out beforehand. But sometimes it backfires
American society loves to prop people up and then take them down.
I like characters that are fragile and a little bit on the edge .
I'm not extra sensitive to handshakes. I shake hands all the time.
Leaders should never, ever try to look cool - that's for dictators
I think everyone should own six guns, even though I don't own any.
People hate people just cause they want someone different to hate.
The advice I would give to someone is to not take anyone’s advice.
The advice I would give to someone is to not take anyone's advice.
Comics just don't retire. They either die young or they go to 100.
I would vote for you for President but I'm against big government.
If life wasn't real it would be the craziest psychedelic trip ever
If you are the greatest, why would you go around talking about it?
When women go to see men strip, we never accuse you of hating men.
But it's hard for a chick to do comedy. It's not as open for them.
I love animation, I really do, but I don't do it for the children.
Judaism is a big part of my background, obviously, and my reality.
I had the right to remain silent... but I didn't have the ability.
I'd rather do a really good small part than a really bad big part.
I used to write things out beforehand. But sometimes it backfires.
I dream of moving to India, or Pakistan, and becoming a cabdriver.