Top 100 Hilarious Quotes of All Time

A short, finished list rather than an endless feed: 100 of the best hilarious quotes ever written, picked out of the full hilarious archive on QuoteForever. You will find Richard Russo, Will Smith, Tina Fey and Ed Helms among them.

Read the list top to bottom, or use it as a starting point - every author name links to everything else they said, and every quote has its own page you can share or turn into an image.

1

Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion.

2

I happen to think singing is hilarious, especially when it pops out at the wrong time.

3

I'm big on facial expressions, and I'm big on mannerisms, which I find to be hilarious.

4

I find Lady Gaga hilarious. And I kind of like her. My heart's warmed to her.

5

I always enjoy conversation more if there is some substance to it - which is a just incredibly hilarious thing for me to say because for many, many years I was the guy whose only contribution to any conversation was, 'There was a funny 'Simpson's' joke about that.'

6

There are only so many hilarious actors so when they cross-pollinate, people assume it's always the same actors and directors.

7

I think there's something very lovely and hilarious about exploring the particular neuroses of the female mind. It's just not the same thing with men. I mean, there are exceptions, but for the most part, women beat themselves up in their heads more. They overanalyze stuff far more than men do.

8

I think my speeches are hilarious. I think I'm a natural comedian, but I like denying people the chance to laugh. I want to deny you the relief of the punchline.

9

Justin Timberlake is the single most talented human being I've ever met in my life, and it sickens me. He is, like, 12 years old or something! He has 0 percent body fat, he is musically gifted, he has a great ear for accents, and he is hilarious.

10

The universe is hilarious! Like, Venus is 900 degrees. I could tell you it melts lead. But that's not as fun as saying, 'You can cook a pizza on the windowsill in nine seconds.' And next time my fans eat pizza, they're thinking of Venus!

11

'Chappie' would be like 'RoboCop,' but hilarious. If you mixed 'Robocop' with 'E.T.' and it was... funny, that's what it is.

12

So many stars who have shows are intimidated by having people around them be funnier than them. It's always the unsuccessful ones. Look at Seinfeld - he's great because he let everyone be hilarious.

13

I don't think that I could have survived in my family without a naughty sense of humor; yeah, absolutely. I think my brother and I both get our senses of humor from our parents. I mean, my mother was absolutely hilarious and foul. She had the most ridiculously off color sense of humor, so that was sort of what we grew up with.

14

When you're a woman, you have to work harder to get a laugh... I follow so many hilarious women on Twitter. It's a daily reminder that women get to be funny.

15

If I can surround myself with hilarious people every day, I will always want to go to work.

16

At the risk of appearing disingenuous, I don't really think of myself as 'writing humor.' I'm simply reporting on the world I observe, which is frequently hilarious.

17

I want that which is hilarious and that which is heartbreaking to occupy the same territory in the book because I think they very often occupy the same territory in life, much as we try to separate them.

18

I have never liked Morrissey, and I still don't. I think it's hilarious, actually, what things I've heard about him, what he's really like, and his public persona is so different. He's such an actor.

19

Steve Buscemi is hilarious. He's really, really good with improv.

20

It's hilarious, because my guitar has what's known as a tremolo bar or a whammy bar. And the whammy bar is probably the most alien thing on my guitar that could possibly relate to a classical guitar.

21

When you're surrounded by friends and exes, there's a whole lot of stuff that starts crawling out. But however serious and traumatic those experiences may be to the participant, to the onlooker they're hilarious.

22

A friend told me about the casting notice for 'Queer Eye.' I was in Chicago and I had a contract with 'Esquire' magazine, so had been coming to New York City regularly and thought I'd catch a cheap flight, crash on a friend's sofa and do this hilarious audition that I had no chance of winning.

23

It's often hilarious to me that I'm writing about Tonga or some tropical place and there's a blizzard outside and the cows are on their backs with their hooves in the air.

24

One lion thinks it's just hilarious to tackle us. He's very funny about it... and we always know when it will happen.

25

If you play it straight it's funny - the best comedy is always played straight down the middle. The adjustment is understanding from the screenplay that a moment is hilarious.

26

In black neighborhoods, everybody appreciated comedy about real life. In the white community, fantasy was funnier. I started looking for the jokes that were equally hilarious across the board, for totally different reasons.

27

Tommy Lee Jones is hilarious. I would say, if you look at the body of his work, the character he is most like is the one in 'The Fugitive.' That's how he talks and jokes. That is the type of energy he has.

28

Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself.

29

Honestly, my dating life according to the tabloids is very exciting, and the most hilarious thing is that it's nowhere near as exciting as the tabloids have ever made it out to be.

30

I'll stick to finding the funny in the ordinary because my life is pretty ordinary and so are the lives of my friends - and my friends are hilarious.

31

I loved being in the film called 'Carnal Knowledge' - the one with Jack Nicholson, which was very dark but a really brilliant movie. I loved being in 'The Ritz.' 'The Ritz' I think is just hilarious. I just saw it again recently and by God, it's still funny!

32

A lot of people don't think of my work as being all that funny, but I think it's hilarious!

33

When I was 16, I was watching '101 Dalmatians,' and my mom never let me bleach my hair, so I told her I was going to dye my hair like Cruella De Vil; she didn't believe me. I came home with my hair like this, and she didn't talk to me for, like, a week. It was really hilarious.

34

After a long day at work, I want someone to come home, turn on my video and think, 'Oh my God, how girls get ready? This is hilarious. I love this; I'm forgetting about all my problems.'

35

'War on Everyone,' I think... the script was hilarious to me, but it's very dark, dark humor. It's super dark.

36

It's hilarious to me that by writing an obscene fake children's book I am mistaken for a parenting expert.

37

I know comedians who go on weird day trips in order to have random experiences they can talk about. They'll go on their own to Thorpe Park waiting for something hilarious to happen. That's really sad.

38

My mum, Helen, was hilarious. She had a tremendous sense of humour and was a great singer and tap dancer. For many years, she was the voice of Minnie Mouse in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. She would be in the float as it came along, singing whatever the Minnie Mouse song of the day was. She was a really big spirit in my life.

39

I thought it was hilarious when 'Brace for Impact' was released, and people said I had abandoned country, even though the song is dripping with pedal steel. If anything, that tells me I'm making progress.

40

I was fortunate enough to book a pilot, and we just got picked up for a midseason replacement for ABC. It's called 'Romantically Challenged,' and I'm going to be playing Alyssa Milano's little sister. The other actor in it is Kyle Bornheimer from 'Worst Week' - he's hilarious.

41

ABC's intelligently hilarious sitcom 'Modern Family' depicts a gay-male marriage in which both partners are refreshingly dimensional, believable human beings. The writers dare to make them flawed and thus fully delineated, but they're not flawed in the silly, stereotypical ways that once dominated such portrayals.

42

Nothing compares to being in a room full of politicians screaming abuse at each other all night. It's hilarious but also a bit terrifying.

43

We used to do sock puppet shows for my auntie back in the day. Me and my friends would do accents of Englishmen, and we would sip tea and act like we were rich in front of the family, and they thought it was just hilarious, the level of perception that we had about things that we'd never experienced.

44

The heroines in 'That's What She Said' are flawed, messy, damaged, hilarious and culpable and not really concerned about being acceptable to the audience in any traditional sense, which for me is what makes them all the more gorgeous. And the fearless truth of that is what makes it funny.

45

I graduated high school a year early and moved to Los Angeles to go to acting school, which is hilarious.

46

I was active on Facebook for a while, responding to comments and thanking fans for their appreciation. But I found that the Facebook feed was numbing my emotions. I'd see an extraordinarily tragic news item, and even before I could react to it, see a hilarious meme right below it. This was confusing me.

47

I love Tina Fey because she acts and she writes and she's hilarious and does a lot of different things.

48

I didn't actually have a prom. In Australia, we call them 'socials,' which is hilarious. I did always find them pretty awkward, because I went to an all-girls school.

49

In music, you ain't really got to be able to sing. In comedy, you may be cute, you may be able to add a little extra to your routine, but if you're not funny, no one's really rocking with you - and if you're a black woman, you better be hilarious. As usual, we always have to do the most.

50

I admire people like Kristen Wiig, who is hilarious but also does a lot of really cool films. I would love to have a career like hers.

51

As far as 'Dahmer' and 'Jumanji' are concerned, with both of them, they felt super raw and affecting, but in their own ways. I also thought 'Jumanji' was completely not trying to be anything except what it was, and I found it to be hilarious.

52

My whole family is obsessed by brandy butter. And bread sauce. Then, of course, there will be a lot of wind in the afternoon! We have never disguised the wind side of our lives as a family; we think it's hilarious.

53

'Free Agents' was an awesome experience. I never play the glam girl in anything, so that was a new experience. I would walk into one of my trailers and it would be like Spanx, a spray-tan gun, and chicken cutlets. I would have hair extensions. It was hilarious. Every day felt like I was turning into an awesome drag queen.

54

I just love the storyline, I thought it was hilarious - I loved that part when we opened the door, we all look ahead and we have to look down and see that we're actually dealing with this little boy who did this horrible thing of ordering a wife through e-mail.

55

When my husband and I first became parents, we joked that our chubby baby was destined to grow into an Alex P. Keaton Reaganite - the most unlikely, and therefore hilarious, course for the child of an interracial gay couple in gentrifying Brooklyn.

56

I was obsessed with award shows and made charts and graphs and stuff when I was 7 years old. I found the entertainment business hilarious, ridiculous, and alluring - and my parents supported it, for better or worse.

57

The Butcher Boy is a very great novel indeed and a very important Irish novel. The ambiguity of that is, he's writing a book about an appalling situation and he does it in a hilarious way.

58

My inspiration for film comedy comes from here. Spend a day on the Madurai streets and you will be amused at the way these people speak and behave. They have an inherent ability to be hilarious.

59

What is a nightstand without Mindy Kaling? I dip into her 'Why Not Me?' when I've had a particularly rough day. Her hilarious observations and anecdotes never fail to cheer me up.

60

I'm completely obsessed with Andrew Smith's 'Winger.' A great, hilarious, and moving story.

61

The commercial I did for Kia was hilarious and unexpected, so that, I think, is also another way of signaling to the audience that there's more to me than Morpheus.

62

I guess I just believe in Trixie Mattel, and I believe in the work. I don't think I'm better than anybody else, but I really think that I'm hilarious and beautiful.

63

My grandmother, in her retirement home, actually has a picture of me from 'Star' magazine on their fashion police list. I think that's hilarious, but if Grandma approves, then I feel like I am all good.

64

I can only appreciate the kind of work that goes into being a top drag queen. Ru Paul looks just astonishing as a woman. And he's got this fantastic turn of phrase. I find him hilarious.

65

I think it's hilarious the way Obama is depicted post-presidency. He's always kayaking or playing jai alai like he's some retired athlete or something. Like he wasn't doing the exact same thing everybody else was doing.

66

Tinder in the Olympic Village is next level. It's all athletes! In the mountain village, it's all athletes. It's hilarious.

67

I always think it's hilarious when the stand-ins come in for 'Silicon Valley,' because it's a complete inversion of the attractiveness quotient that is supposed to exist.

68

Let's get right to it: On page 5 of Paul Murray's dazzling new novel, 'Skippy Dies,'... Skippy dies. If killing your protagonist with more than 600 pages to go sounds audacious, it's nothing compared with the literary feats Murray pulls off in this hilarious, moving and wise book.

69

The selfie phenomenon is enormous, and it's hilarious. Especially as Australians, because we kind of hate people that love themselves, but that's all flipping on its head now, and we're happy to love ourselves.

70

I was lucky enough to grow up in Western Australia and know that the Australian Outback is vast and spell-binding and heart-stoppingly beautiful, and the characters that inhabit it are unique and hilarious and tough and cheeky.

71

I'm the bad guy in WWE, which I find hilarious.

72

I always feel like any criminal who doesn't have a mask on is dumb: particularly the ones who don't realize that all mini-marts have cameras. I find that so hilarious. Or bank robbers without a mask. You're like, 'Have you seen no movies?'

73

I used to go round to my granddad's house on a Saturday morning, and we'd sit and eat our porridge and watch re-runs of 'Steptoe and Son' on BBC Two. I thought it was hilarious - and Rag 'N' Bone Man sounded like a blues name to me. It reminded me of people like Sonny Boy Williamson and Big Mama Thornton.

74

In Raja Chanda's 'Ley Halua Ley,' I essay Locket's miser husband, who is suspicious of his beautiful wife. He is ready to go to any extent to protect his wife. The script of this film is hilarious.

75

Ego is hilarious - especially the vanity of a comedian. As soon as you see one start worrying about how cool he is or about how many stadiums he can fill, he stops being funny.

76

Ben Stiller, who I love and who is a friend and is such an incredible actor - he's hilarious, obviously, but I thought his performance in 'Greenberg' was extraordinary.

77

I was always a fan of the old-style comics. I loved vaudeville. I loved Milton Berle, Dick Shawn, Phyllis Diller, Don Rickles, Charlie Callas, all those guys. Hilarious. I love the Bing Crosby and Bob Hope movies, and Abbott & Costello. My television influences were 'Monty Python's Flying Circus,' 'Benny Hill,' and 'Hee Haw.'

78

I think in industries riddled with bias, you tend to hire women only if their previous work is very masculine, which is hilarious given that this is not how male directors are chosen.

79

Natasha Lyonne is fantastic on Twitter. She posts hilarious pictures. I don't even know where she finds some of them; it'll be like a random picture of a chinchilla kissing a lion or Bill Murray and Jim Belushi out on a boat or something.

80

In my new book, 'Binge,' I share essays about everything I've never told my viewers - touching on the best and worst days of my life, some hilarious, some embarrassing, but all extremely personal.

81

I love living in Birmingham, it's just a lovely gentle life, and it's calm. And it's full of Brummies who I find hilarious.

82

I've been blessed with a lot of things in life, but God did not give me rhythm. Still, I love to dance - which past girlfriends always found hilarious.

83

Sweet But Psycho' blew up pretty much overnight after my 10-year struggle. It's hilarious when people say it was overnight, because it was not overnight.

84

I totally consider Fishbowl my full time job - I have to say I freaking love doing this blog. I just enjoy the medium so much; I love the fact that it requires me to read amazing stuff by hilarious and talented people and forces me to know what's going on in the world.

85

It's funny to me because everyone says I'm injury prone. That's hilarious to me because I've never blown a hammy or a shoulder or anything like that, knock on wood.

86

When I did 'Lady in the Water,' the most exciting thing to me was to get to work with Bob Balaban - I couldn't leave the guy alone. I drove him crazy. He's fantastic and a hilarious guy.

87

I watched 'The Sopranos,' I saw a couple of episodes of 'Mad Men.' I loved 'Seinfeld.' In fact, I got some CDs of 'Seinfeld.' 'Seinfeld' was hilarious. Oh, boy. The Nazi soup kitchen? 'No soup for you!'

88

I am truly obsessed with Lena Dunham. I find everything about her unique and refreshing. She is a brilliant, hilarious and honest writer who is not afraid to make her audience uncomfortable.

89

I hate to be one of those people who forwards links to 'hilarious pictures' or 'brilliant games' to half their contacts database.

90

My ultimate is Peter Sellers - his ability to go broad and somehow humanize that and be hilarious at the same time. He was just relatable, real at the same time as insane. I find Ricky Gervais absolutely hilarious. Steve Martin is another hero of mine - he's a genius.

91

The Marx Brothers isn't subtle, and that's hilarious.

92

It's kind of low brow, but the show 'Bob's Burgers' is hilarious, and being from the Midwest, I can kind of relate to a lot of the jokes. 'Orange is The New Black' is a Netflix Exclusive, I think - that's really funny.

93

I stretch while I am brushing my teeth to save time, and my son likes to join in and thinks it's hilarious.

94

I've seen a bunch of the 'Portlandia' episodes, and they're pretty hilarious.

95

I loved 'Pulling.' It was so original and hilarious. I remember being very sad when it finished. I'd love to start a campaign to bring it back, but if I did, the actors would probably say, 'We're fine. We're all really busy, thanks. Please don't!'

96

I've taken Midol before. My daughters find that hilarious. I had a headache and cramps, and there were no other pain relievers with caffeine in the house.

97

Everyone calls me 'the male Jennifer Lawrence,' because I just say things because I'm random, and I do things and I don't care what people think. I think she's hilarious.

98

'South Park' is so hilarious... I remember when it first came out: that show changed television forever.

99

Cameron Esposito is a musician and podcaster from the States and she's hilarious.

100

I think Carrot Top is hilarious.

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