Quotes of All Topics . Occasions . Authors
Any comedian who tells you how dark and dangerous they are, they're not dark and dangerous.
I don't consider myself a comedian because I don't really concern myself too much with jokes.
The best advice I've ever received is, 'No one else knows what they're doing either.
I considered myself a professional comedian because the club would pay me $20.
Being a professional comedian is doing it right and good, when you don't feel like it.
I find a duck's opinion of me is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread.
I became a comedian because I didn't want to be bullied anymore. Onstage I was safe.
To tell you the truth, I always wanted to be a sketch comedian and a comedy actor.
I'm not a comedian, but I love the comedians who know when to get off the stage.
Oh yeah, I'd love to be a comedian. I've done a lot, but always in the confines of plays.
I’m a comedian who got into movies, so I don’t really think of myself as an actor.
I don't claim to have all the answers; after all, I'm just a comedian who reads a lot.
Next time someone says, 'Where has big government ever gotten us?' the correct answer is 'Mars.'
I like seeing what the comedian thinks is funny, not just what they think I'll think is funny.
I find my fans are really funny people. Most comedians can't say that about their fans.
Comedians rarely have writers, and if you do it's usually a sign of laziness.
Life isn't something you possess. It's something you take part in, and you witness.
All of my comedian friends are some of the best joke writers in the world.
I’m a ridiculous person. If you take anything any comedian says seriously, then you’re stupid.
Inside was the second LP album of a comedian's performance before an audience.
The best-laid plans of mice and comedians usually wind up on the cutting-room floor.
For aspiring comedians? Don't listen to me. Just go on stage and do what you think is funny.
It's very confusing to me why people take comedians so seriously.
Nobody really wants to be a stand-up, they want to get on TV.
Every person you look at, you can see the universe in their eyes, if you're really looking
Imagine the Creator as a low comedian, and at once the world becomes explicable.
I think there's a part, just a part of comedians, that is still childlike.
I feel that I'm a stand-up comedian more than anything else, that's my job.
Most comedians weren't great athletes; that was the way they got noticed in high school.
I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
There is nothing quite as loud as the silence of an audience when a comedian is on stage.
All of us black comedians are trying to be mainstream, but you don't want to lose the edge.
Comedy is a noble art. And every comedian who does anything is serving a noble purpose.
I'm a comedian who got into movies, so I don't really think of myself as an actor.
There's something about being a parent that has, I think, made me a better comedian.
What happens after you die? Lot's of things happen after you die - they just don't involve you
'Inside' was the second LP album of a comedian's performance before an audience.
I have not moved out of the comedian's box into the news box. The news box is moving towards me.
Comedians are the one who have to tell the emperor he has no clothes on.
For a comedian, there is nothing better than watching another great comedian.
My family were nothing but pleased when I told them I wanted to be a comedian.
If you make a bad movie about stand-up, then comedians will mock you for the rest of your life.
I’ve had so much plastic surgery, when I die they will donate my body to Tupperware.
Comedians and people in general have a cultural right to talk about their own culture and race.
I'm a comedian, which is the opposite of a lifestyle that equips you to be a parent.
As much experience, education and awareness as one can attain is important for a comedian.
Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse.
The greatest comedian I've ever seen is Jack Benny. He wasn't afraid of the silences.
All comedians are, in a way, anarchists. Our job is to make fun of the existing world.
I was influenced by every comedian I ever saw work. That's the only way you learn how to do it.