Quotes by Dominic Holland - Page 1

I don't like false modesty.
Dominic Holland /
False Modesty
Modesty
False
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Never trust a television executive.
Dominic Holland /
Executive
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Apathy in youth culture is pretty stark.
Dominic Holland /
Apathy
Youth Culture
Stark
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I must say that I am rather partial to funny dog videos.
Dominic Holland /
Partial
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I am the first to admit that I have never been a household name.
Dominic Holland /
Admit
Household Name
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Stand-up comedy is not for the faint-hearted or the thin-skinned.
Dominic Holland /
Comedy
Stand Up Comedy
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I have tried many times to write a TV sitcom - with little success.
Dominic Holland /
Sitcom
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I've written 'Eclipsed' as a funny story. It is completely bonkers.
Dominic Holland /
Funny Story
Eclipsed
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I always think stand-up is the most brutal environment for a comedian.
Dominic Holland /
Brutal
Comedian
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How I've fed my kids over the years is by doing stand-up comedy in clubs.
Dominic Holland /
Clubs
Stand Up Comedy
Fed
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The garden is something I always try to get into, but it always beats me.
Dominic Holland /
Beats
Garden
Always Me Try
Me Always Try
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I find it pressurising coming to the Voodoo Rooms to do my hour of comedy.
Dominic Holland /
Rooms
Voodoo
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I had a crisis of confidence and ran away from being a standup for a while.
Dominic Holland /
Ran
Standup
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I am a professional comedian, a published novelist, and a general wit for hire.
Dominic Holland /
Comedian
Wit
Hire
Published
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As a parent, I often wonder what I should be encouraging my kids to do for a career.
Dominic Holland /
Encouraging
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I like to call myself numerically dyslexic, but officially, I am mathematically thick.
Dominic Holland /
Thick
Mathematically
Officially
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There is nothing quite as loud as the silence of an audience when a comedian is on stage.
Dominic Holland /
Comedian
Loud
Silence
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Tom has a gilded life which I have had a glimpse of. Yes, he does travel in private jets.
Dominic Holland /
Gilded
Jets
Tom
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My job is to make people laugh. If I've upset them instead, then I haven't done my job properly.
Dominic Holland /
Upset
Properly
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It is the natural order of things that successive generations will achieve more than their predecessors.
Dominic Holland /
Generations
Natural Order
Predecessors
Successive
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Doing stand-up is not normal. People fear public speaking above all other things, and I am no different.
Dominic Holland /
Public Speaking
Normal People
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I even like the Scottish weather because, like everywhere in the U.K., you can't have great beauty without lots of rain.
Dominic Holland /
Rain
Scottish
Weather
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All kids should vote - it gives them the opportunity to whinge afterwards because you can't complain if you haven't voted.
Dominic Holland /
Afterwards
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When I phoned up and said, 'Mum, I'm doing a 52-date national tour with Eddie Izzard,' she said 'That's nice, dear. How are you?'
Dominic Holland /
Dear
Eddie
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I might get a break again, and I might get back on telly. If I don't, I'll just keep doing stand-up and doing the best gigs I can.
Dominic Holland /
Gigs
Telly
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I am not a natural show-off. Some of the monster comedians are terrifyingly assured, and I don't have that, and that's held me back.
Dominic Holland /
I Am Me Back
Comedians
Held
Monster
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Where I live in south London, it is a very Tory area, so a Labour vote is a wasted vote. My leanings would certainly be not to vote Tory.
Dominic Holland /
Labour
London
Vote
Area
Wasted
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When I do a show, I jot little notes for me to remember, and when the show is done and forgotten, I chuck them all over the car. My wife goes nuts.
Dominic Holland /
Chuck
Forgotten
Notes
Nuts
Car Wife Me
Jot
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Because it's such a good car, I think we'll have a Multipla till the kids leave home, which is tragic because I could probably afford a really nice car!
Dominic Holland /
Tragic
Car Good Home
Till
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My story is comic because I've spent vast amounts of effort trying to become a Hollywood screenwriter and made no direct effort on making my son a movie actor.
Dominic Holland /
Vast
Movie Actor
Screenwriter
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I was spectacularly average at school, while my two brothers did really well academically. But my dad never said I didn't try hard enough. He knew I did my best.
Dominic Holland /
Academically
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I got heckled by a woman, and my riposte fixed upon her unfortunate hair texture, only for her to remove her wig and reveal to the room the horrors of chemotherapy.
Dominic Holland /
Chemotherapy
Fixed
Remove
Texture
Unfortunate
Horrors
Reveal
Wig
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Many years ago, I was a young and, dare I say it, very hot new comedian. Maybe even the hottest of all if the now defunct Perrier panel of judges were to be believed.
Dominic Holland /
Comedian
Dare
Hottest
Judges
Panel
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Edinburgh is the most pressurised environment to do comedy. You get an hour. There's no compere. You'd better be on the money straight away; you've got journalists in.
Dominic Holland /
Edinburgh
Journalists
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When I was a little boy, I was fascinated by the way my dad used to laugh at the telly, and from a very early age, I had an idea of what was funny and why people laughed.
Dominic Holland /
Fascinated
Laughed
Early Age
Telly
Very Early Age
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A barrel of laughs should be enough, but it's not. A good review is official and endures. A bad one is like a tub of Flora. It spreads easily and lasts for the whole festival.
Dominic Holland /
Flora
Lasts
Good Enough Bad
Bad One
Barrel
Endures
Festival
Good Bad Enough
Official
Review
Spreads
Tub
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Growing up, I was always enthralled by Ronnie Barker. He made my dad howl with laughter, which always intrigued me, and he had the rare gift of being as good a performer as he was a writer.
Dominic Holland /
Howl
Intrigued
Laughter
Good Dad Me
Rare
Ronnie
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For comics, Edinburgh makes no financial or medical sense. Get an audience; that's the first task. Once the punters are in, simply make them laugh for an hour, and then sweat on the critics.
Dominic Holland /
Critics
Edinburgh
Sweat
Task
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I'm a confident person next to the guy in the street, but if you go into the showbiz world, it seems the guys who are most successful are the most confident, and I don't think I fit into that category.
Dominic Holland /
Showbiz
Category
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Invest your money safely. Avoid the risky lure of spectacular returns; go for an investment that cannot lose its value. This is why I have put all my spare cash into buying not shares, but thousands of penny chews.
Dominic Holland /
Buying
Cash
Investment
Lure
Spectacular
Money Your Value
Avoid
Invest
Penny
Returns
Risky
Safely
Shares
Spare
Thousands
Value
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The house I've bought in London, the holidays, everything has been bought from making people laugh, and if you'd said to me when I was 14 that's how I was going to make my living, I would have smiled from ear to ear.
Dominic Holland /
Me People Living
Ear
Me Living People
Holidays
Smiled
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My Fiat Multipla is bright green - it looks like a frog. I look like a monkey, so between the two of us, we are a hideous prospect. It's the ugliest car on the road but the most practical, and I would live and die by it.
Dominic Holland /
Hideous
Bright
Fiat
Frog
Monkey
Practical
Prospect
Ugliest
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Even though Bandos is one of the biggest islands in the Maldives, it only takes 20 minutes to walk round. All it has are some chalets and a little harbour centre with three restaurants and a bar. The food is magnificent.
Dominic Holland /
Centre
Harbour
Magnificent
Restaurants
Bar
Round
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No one likes a pushy parent, and, 'pride' being one of the seven deadly sins, I needed to tread very carefully when creating a show about my eldest son, Tom, better known as Peter Parker and even better known as Marvel's new 'Spider-Man.'
Dominic Holland /
Eldest
Peter
Pushy
Spider Man
Carefully
Deadly
Marvel
Parker
Tom
Tread
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In my career, all my most important breaks have come from Edinburgh. Winning awards, being reviewed, bagging my BBCR4 series and the chance to tour has all come from Edinburgh, which begs the question, why the hell have I left it so long to come back?
Dominic Holland /
Awards
Edinburgh
Breaks
Reviewed
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Edinburgh is a world city, visited throughout the year for its beauty and history, but in August, it is the City of Hope. There is something very exciting and romantic about performers of all shapes and sizes, honing their stuff for the biggest arts festival in the world.
Dominic Holland /
August
Edinburgh
Honing
Performers
Shapes
Festival
Sizes
Visited
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I just talk about the funny things in my life, and the idea is that my observations reflect the lives of my audience - so people are really laughing at themselves. This is the theory, anyway, and I am aware that in print, that it doesn't appear to be very funny. But it is, and I am definitely funny.
Dominic Holland /
Funny Things
Print
Appear
Life Funny I Am
In Print
Observations
Reflect
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I've been recognised in garages. I'll be paying for my petrol, and I'll see this guy looking at me, thinking, 'Is it him?' Then he'll be looking at my car: 'No, he couldn't be driving that car.' I've actually had two people say to me:,'Hello Dominic, I thought you might have a better car than that, mate!'
Dominic Holland /
Petrol
Mate
Paying
Recognised
Two People
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It's because finance is so baffling that makes being an economist such a safe option. It nestles down comfortably with psychiatry and astrology as a profession where getting it patently wrong is just not a problem - and also, rather wonderfully, seems to have no adverse affect on their professional standing whatsoever.
Dominic Holland /
Finance
Adverse
Astrology
Economist
Profession
Psychiatry
Safe
Standing
Affect
Baffling
Comfortably
Option
Patently
Whatsoever
Wonderfully
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